Would You Consider Having a Threesome After Marriage?

Would You Consider Having a Threesome After Marriage?

1988 was a banner year for me.

I was separately invited by two male college friends to engage in a ménage à trois with them and their wives. I was never flirtatious with or attracted to these men. I didn't have a tongue bolt, a belly ring, pierced nipples or tattoos, which is how I pictured a sexual libertine. I wore button-down shirts, penny loafers and, on occasion, glasses that made me look like Sally Jesse Raphael with more hair.

When Frank, who'd been my editor at our college newspaper, propositioned me at lunch downtown, I froze, a beignet grasped tightly in my claw equidistant between my plate and my maw.

My next thought was, "What the fuck is the world coming to?" I judged Frank and my other friend, Ray. I thought their marriages would never last if they were already looking outside of them for sexual satisfaction. I never heard from either of these men again, perhaps because I knew too much.


Image: Christine Rondeau via Flickr

Henry and I have been married 11 years now. Together 14. Like many couples together for so long, we've had stretches of sexual apathy and boredom and have had to make an effort to reconnect. There's been role playing, a poor attempt to pornograph-fy our lives and I'd like to explore an option proposed by a commenter on my blog, Longer Marriage = More Adventurous Sex, that has to do with electronics. I think, though, that introducing a third person into our sex life is a recipe for disaster because that third party is a person, not an inanimate object.

In my experience, sex transmogrifies into, if you're lucky, genuine love. If you're less lucky, fluttery infatuation or, if you're totally screwed, mad obsession.

I spent five years with a man who made my 2-year old niece scream every time he entered the room. Poor guy. He'd walk in, she'd stare at him and howl like Shelly DuVall confronted by Jack Nicholson wielding a butcher knife in The Shining. I was fairly certain he was Satan, but the sex was good. Five years, people.

Bottom line: Sex lies. It tells you you're in love, when maybe you're just at the mercy of your orgasm. Better to lie to sex, I think. I'm willing to whisper sweet nothings to Henry in Spanish so if he closes his eyes he's making love to Salma Hayek, but I won't be inviting her into our bed because she's not an object but a complex human being my husband could actually fall in love with. Sorry Salma, I know you were sorely looking forward to it. 

I leave you with this quote from the film Kinsey  about the famed sexologist:

"Sex is a risky game, because if you're not careful, it will cut you wide open." 

Feel free to share your philosophy yea or nay.

And if you'd like to stay in touch you can sign up for free updates HERE, or Like me on Facebook. xo

Related Posts

How to Have a Happy Threesome

Ah, the threesome. Is there anything that inspires so many fantasies? And is there anything as likely to cause complications in your relationship? Threesomes can be amazing fun, but only when you set them up right. Here are some useful tips to make sure that everyone is getting what they want. (This is written for couples looking for a third person -- there are some different things to think about when you’re solo and looking for a couple.)   Read more >

"Mad Men" Returns: Who is Don Draper? (Spoilers)

"Who is Don Draper?" Last night's premiere of the AMC drama Mad Men began and ended with variations on that question. Each time, it was from a reporter, and each time, it was directed at the dapper '60s ad man, Don Draper (Jon Hamm).   Read more >

"The Beautiful Girls" of "Mad Men" On the Brink of Social Change

In the last three weeks, Mad Men has once again shown that when it comes to quality television, the show shines far above almost anything else TV has to offer."The Beautiful Girls," "The Summer Man" and "The Suitcase"  were all episodes that gave us more about  Don Draper, helping answer the question first posed at the beginning of the season, but also showcased the women of Mad Men on the brink of one of the most stunning social changes this country has ever seen.Here's a rundown of what's been happening with "The Beautiful Girls," but beware, there are spoilers a plenty.   Read more >


In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.