Why Didn't He Call? He Said | She Said
Why didn't he call me after our date? Our great date.
It's the question we ask ourselves. This might be the true equalizer of women: we have all had that date that went well, exchange numbers and a sweet goodbye and then he never calls back. And it's this unanswered question of why didn't he call that plagues our thoughts.
I have had this happen to me. I still don't know why he called - that question never got answered - but enough time went by (8 years) that I no longer care what the reason was. At the time I did the usual: I talked to my friends. I called my own phone number to make sure it was working properly and I sighed deeply wondering if my date had been shipped off to Tibet. Worrying did not change the outcome.
So, since heterosexual dating relies on the mindsets of a male and female brain, I wanted a man's opinion to accompany the plethora of women's opinions I have received. The male opinion is from Bill Wolfe, a dater until he met his wife in his late twenties, and a guy who failed to call back a few girls himself.
SHE SAID: My girlfriends. When I talked to them, they did the best they could: They supported me and tried to make me feel better.
|Because even during the most serious of conversations, great friends will still make you laugh.|
- They said maybe he was busy.
- Maybe he had lost the number or his phone.
- Assured me that he'd call, that there must be a reasonable explanation.
- And as time went by, that if he didn't call it was his loss. Except this point was never followed by a "maybe he's just not that into you," rather it was just given with a tight smile and reassuring hug.
My friends are great people. Loving and reassuring. What they didn't do was give me the tough love answer I probably needed: He didn't call because something changed/happened that made him not want to. It may have had to do with me personally, or it may have had to do with his life. Either way, I should just move on to the next.
HE SAID: Bill Wolfe's opinion and experience-
|Why is this so hard?!|
Yes, these are trivial reasons not to see someone again and give them another chance, but when you’ve only dated someone once or possibly twice, sometimes the easiest thing to do when you’ve decided that she is, well, kind of annoying, is to just move on. Neither of you has invested much at this stage, so no harm, no foul, right? (Evidently not.)
It doesn’t mean that he hasn’t thought about the girl; it’s just that he’s not sure what he wants to do, so he does nothing (regarding the girl he dated). Guys have a tendency to compartmentalize, so he just puts it in a mental/emotional box, puts the lid on tight, and attends to more important things.
Sure, it would be nice if he would do the young lady the courtesy of calling and just explaining things honestly, but most guys find that prospect daunting; in any event, it would be delicate work, it could very well blow up in his face, and he may not be good at communicating this sort of thing. So he just moves on and hopes she understands and doesn’t take it personally.
Maybe they read him wrong and he wasn’t that enthusiastic after all; maybe he has a complicated love life already; who knows? The only thing that will come from a woman obsessing about it is her own misery. That will only make her less appealing to the next guy she dates. Shake it off, talk to yourself like you are your own best friend, and look for the next guy. You are almost certainly attractive, likeable, and good relationship material. Hey, not dating you is his loss! Next!
Just Keep Doing You: You're pretty awesome, don't internalize this: I’d like to add something more serious here. I’ve spent the last few decades looking at girls and women, and there are TONS of pretty, smart, funny, sweet, desirable women out there. I probably “fall in love” several times a day (for a few minutes each time). Girls and women are VERY hard on themselves, and it saddens me to see how they beat themselves up unnecessarily.
They tell themselves they’re not pretty, they’re fat, they don’t look good in anything, they compare themselves to other girls/women, and on and on. It’s not true. You do not need to have a perfect figure or big boobs or blue eyes, or the latest fashions. Guys are capable of being attracted to, and loving, a million different types of women. (I’ve always preferred brunettes, but I married a blonde because that’s who I fell in love with. Good enough for me!)
What matters is whether you’re comfortable in your own skin, like yourself, are interested in people and things, and that you like HIM. Your desire for him is a powerful aphrodisiac! He is just as insecure as you are, and the fact that you have picked HIM as the object of your affections and desires, is a very persuasive point in your favor.
Every woman has something special about her, whether it’s pretty eyes, clear skin, beautiful hair, a great smile, dimples, an irresistible laugh, a sexy voice, nice hands, a certain way of walking, cleavage a man wants to dive into, or just wears perfume that raises his temperature when she’s nearby, etc. So whatever color hair/eyes/skin you have, whether you’re petite or statuesque, accept it and work it for all it’s worth. If you’ve got big hips, trust in the fact that a lot of men LOVE girls with big hips (like me, for example). And trust me when I say that most men do not like thin women; they like curvy, soft-looking women. So if you weigh more than you think you should, don’t worry about it. You probably look fantastic. It is not the reason he didn’t call you back, I promise.
Bill Wolfe and his wonderful blog can be found at: http://readherlikeanopenbook.wordpress.com
As a woman, I'll still wish to be able to tell my friends there is some unexplainable reason the guy she thought she hit it off with isn't calling... but the simplest answer is probably the right one: , Either his life or his perception of you has changed. It happens, we'll be ok.
You've heard the He Said / She Said points of view... what's your opinion on the matter?