Why Can't I call myself Beautiful?
Tonight, I saw a recording of What Not To Wear on my Mom's DVR. She's a huge fan of the show and she left it for me to watch. Her name is Amanda and she is Mommy Blogger. The name of her blog is called Parenting for Dummies. It is quite a popular blog and she has been attending blogging events and has been gaining readers in large droves for her blog. She is married with three boys. She said that she had her first son at the age of twenty three and from that point on, she gained weight and began to feel less and less attractive. Ten years later, her family and friends, felt like she needed a change. And what was so great, she wanted a change. She wanted to be able to dress in a way that she could and would be proud of herself.
I think that it is always so amazing to see people want to change! Good Change can be one of the most beautiful experiences in the world. But, change can only happen when the person that is in need of a change, wants it. She went through the process and she turned out to be beautiful, as she she always was. It just took her a while to realize it. I love seeing people realize their beauty. Her husband and her family and friends, all told her that she was beautiful and stunning, but she couldn't hear their voices over the voice of her own insecurities. Now, everything that she does, is with more confidence and she's even blogging with more happiness.
You know, watching her made me think about myself. I am incredibly hard on on myself. Especially for being overweight. When we lost my Grandfather, I was about 13 years old. He was that strong male influence in my life and he took over the role of both, Father and Grandfather. For years, I was mad about that. I have always felt that he shouldn't have had to play both roles in my life. Even though I know that he didn't mind, as Mom and Grandma were quick to remind me, I still felt that, that was a position that he'd volunteer to take over and he was in a wheelchair and shouldn't have had to do it.
Well, when we lost him, I just didn't know how to handle it, so I ate. I would eat all of the time. So much so, that I gained 48 pounds in a year! I was just miserable. I began being mad at myself and constantly putting myself down. All of the time. I haven't said that I am Beautiful, really ever. But, I think that it's about time, that I cut myself some slack and appreciate who and all that I am.
I am a young lady and I've got years of lessons to learn. I am a work in progress and I'm ok with that. I am losing weight, but not for someone else's benefit. I am losing weight for my own. I am not trying to fit in or look like someone on TV. I just want to be a more improved and self- assured young lady. I am now, more excited about my journey, than I have been before. I feel renewed and I have found a new passion. Blogging! And boy, does that feel good!
Life is full of victories and challenges. I am just glad that I am able to appreciate all that the Lord has given me and I am learning how to appreciate myself.
I am unique and I am different. I am Beautiful. In my own, little special way!