Who Wants to Hide the Turkey?

Who Wants to Hide the Turkey?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

This Thanksgiving will be my nephew's first and, since I'm hosting, my sister-in-law called with a very strange request. Apparently, she is worried that the sight of a turkey on the table will be upsetting to her son and wants me to keep it (the turkey) in the kitchen.

As if there is any justification for this, she explained that "he's really into farm animals" and that this could prove to be traumatic.

Please, please, PLEASE, tell me this is as insane as it sounds.

Signed,
Aunt Turkey Lurkey

-----------------------------------------

Turkey

Dear Aunt Turkey Lurkey,

Oh, sweet potato pie, of course this is absolute insanity! Is your sister-in-law known for her neurosis or has she suffered some sort of psychotic break? Maybe don't answer that.

Hers what you're gonna do: You're going to politely decline your SIL's request and you're going to have the following arsenal on standby in case she has the nerve to push the issue:

1. First of all, when did the turkey become a part of the Barn Yard crew? Turkeys are much too busy being chased by the likes of Dick Cheney to be hanging around the chicken coop.

2. Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that the turkey has become one with the Barn Yard. Your nephew may be bothered by the sight of a fully-feathered clucker laying prostrate on Grandma's lace table runner, complete with X's on its eyes. But a cooked bird? Hell, I bet he thinks it's a football before he recognizes the death of his own childhood innocence.

3. If all else fails, tell your sister-in-law that dinner starts a few hours later than it really does, and when she arrives, reassure her that she missed all the carnage.

Good luck, and don't forget to spike her pumpkin pie with Xanax.

Gobbles!
Kristine, TMH

 

Photo Credit: kristiemoser.

Related Posts

Turkeys I've Known

Though I love an entire holiday based on an attitude of gratitude, as a struggling vegetarian, Thanksgiving presents the Mt. Everest of food challenges. And I've recently made some very charming turkey friends, so the pressure carries extra emotional weight this year. It's one thing to spout statistics and watch gruesome food industry videos, but it is quite another to eat your friends' friends.   Read more >

Weekend Menu Planning: Ten New Ideas with Turkey Leftovers

One thing that makes writing about food so fun is that the imagination of good cooks is limitless, so interesting and new food ideas keep popping up every year. That's certainly true with ideas for using leftover turkey, and although I've been spotlighting recipes using Thanksgiving leftovers for BlogHer readers since 2007, there are still unique turkey recipe ideas this year that you probably haven't thought of. In no particular order, here are 10 new ideas for leftover turkey from Thanksgiving 2010.   Read more >

What Words Would You Ban?

It’s a New Year. 2011. Wow.I’m sure we’re all ready to lose weight, stop smoking, cut down on sugar, and start exercising more. Right? We all know that lasts about one week exactly. The moment we realize we were in coma when we agreed to all that resolution stuff. But, I digress as I often do. When attempting to jump start my brain this morning, I read a fascinating post on Yahoo this morning about Lake Superior State University’s popular annual list of banished words. Can you guess which word was voted top of the list?   Read more >

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.