What it's Like to be Married to My Wife
Lately, I've been more scatterbrained, and while I can usually keep it all on the DL, I've been messin' up and my husband is noticing. By that, I mean, I've been laughing at myself a lot this week. I thought, why not have him tell you what it's like to be married to me, just this week. I have to say, I crack up when we're with friends talking and the subject of my "supreme organizational skills" comes up. I leave you in his hands.
She leaves all of the cabinets open in the kitchen. This one is partially my fault, she clocks in at 4’11 and I, at 6 feet. I put things on high shelves because I can reach them. Sometimes I forget how little she is. She gets me back though and our house looks like it was visited from the director of Paranormal Activity.
She fills water bottles and glasses, and leaves them all over the house. I always feel like I’m in the movie Signs. Remember the M. Night Shyamalan movie where they find out that water causes the aliens pain? Is that why she leaves them all over the house? A potential alien invasion?? Lately, she fills her water bottle for work, leaves it on the counter beading and dripping. I have to know if this is something ceremonial or if she thinks I’m just really thirsty.
She never puts things back where they belong. When she can’t find it, she claims it’s in a “safe place”. Very recent case in point.
Why would there be nail polish remover in the wine rack? I’ll tell you why, she was polishing her nails and wanted a glass of wine. She took the wine, and replaced it with the nail polish remover and thought to herself, I’ll bring that back up when I go to bed. But that never happens. So I just sent her this picture and let her know that she also put raw sausage meat in the kitchen cupboard. You know, her “safe place” that makes sausages not safe to eat!
When she walks in the door after work, she leaves a trail of destruction in her wake. She drops everything: shoes, purse, work bag, lunch bag, both smart phones, chargers, keys and cardigan – completely ignoring the shoe rack, shelf, hooks and outlets for said items. Ever step on an iPhone charger? Those small ones? OUCH!
She makes me take BuzzFeed quizzes that she and her friends are doing on Facebook, then gets mad at the results. What can I say, I know more states than she does. She’s the creative one, right? Just the other night, she asked me to take a personality quiz. I asked her why – and she said that she wanted to know why we react and behave to certain situations the way we do, see how compatible we are because she is an ENFJ and...I stopped her and said, so wait, you don’t already know how compatible we are?! Here, I'm an IDRC (I don't really care). She snorted at that one.
Paper is everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s writing and reading books to review and really just doing what makes her happy. But the paper! It’s everywhere. We are currently at 5 drawers (that I know about) with lists, clippings from magazines, old pictures, plastic baggies with paperwork from school, you name it. And she needs all of it. Just in case. She knows what each drawer contains and when it gets just full enough, she "sorts" through them. She’s trying though, and now there are file folders in these drawers with papers inside along with the usual stuff that’s already in there. Need a pen? It’s in there. Need a paper clip? No problem. Looking for a cure for the recession? I’m sure she’s compiled a list and it’s in there too.
She’s won’t watch national news. She’s sensitive, you know? She says she prefers to watch local news, where the big story is how the farmer grew an 800 pound tomato or the estimated delay from the water main break on MacArthur Rd than keep up with murder rates, big corporate layoffs, political debates and Wall Street market closings. So I keep up with the national and global stuff. She’ll sit across from me on the couch and ask “What do I need to know this week?” Sometimes, she tries, and gets all excited when she reads a headline (from weeks ago) off to me – that I already know. Because, like I tell her, I’m informed! I know, I may sound like I'm annoyed, I'm not. All of this really makes me laugh and appreciate just how unique she is. Granted, the open kitchen cabinets thing freaks me out. It would freak anyone who isn't looking for that "open concept" look. But then, she does stuff like make rice and beans with chicken (my favorite) when I'm expecting Chef Boyardee, or helps me to plan a BBQ with my co-workers this weekend, creating lists like this. She's pretty awesome. Maybe I'll take a quiz for her. Who am I kidding? No I won't.
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