We were so young
I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my first child.
I went to the chemist and bought a 3 pack of home pregnancy kits. Petrified I pee'd on all three in one morning, every time it was positive. The Bearded Wonder was at work so I threw them in the bin (something I now deeply regret) and went to my local medical centre. I explained to the dr my situation and asked him what the next step was. He laughed, pulled a leaflet from his desk drawer and dismissed me.
I walked out onto the street infront of the Dr's office and finally looked at the pamphlet, It was information on pregnancy termination. What in the actual f*ck? When did I say anything about termination?
I decided to go to another Dr's office to get some actual advice. This time I chose a lady doctor, hoping she would be a little more... Doctorly I guess
I burst into tears telling her what was happening. She was so understanding. First thing she asked me if I knew what I wanted to do, I told her abortion wasn't an option despite what the previous doctor had thought, but I admitted to being petrified. I was only 19 afterall. We discussed my options, abortion, adoption and finally keeping this little person myself and my support from family and the Bearded Wonder. All of this took almost an hour (being the only dr in this practice I'm sure the people in the waiting room were hating me) and then she asked me to lay down on her exam table. With just a few pokes and prods of my tummy she smiled and said 'You're already about 16 weeks, Baby is just about half way' I could have passed out there and then. But once the first initial moments of shock wore away I felt a tiny little bubble of something inside me, not the baby, but like happiness or something.
Telling my mother, who always told my sister and I she would disown us if we became teen parents, was not so pleasant. I walked half an hour from the doctor's office to my sisters house, seeking her advice, not knowing my mother was there visiting. I reasoned to myself that I would be twenty by the time baby was born- she couldn't be that mad. Right? RIGHT? I made my sister tell her, a good 50 feet from me so I had a head start if she tried to kill me. I'll never forget hearing my mother yelling from the other side of my sisters house 'I'M GOING TO KILL HER... AND THEN I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!' and then her boots stomping down my sisters hall way. My plan to bolt was forgotten and I sat completely still virtually crapping my pants. Waiting for my doom. I watched as my mother approached ever closer down my sisters hall way with a look of absolute fury on her face and then... nothing. She stood in the door way and let out a big sigh. I told her I couldn't abort, I didn't want to, but it was also too late. Another sigh. And then a long lecture- perhaps a little late- on contraception.
My pregnancy wasn't easy, I was in a hospital in Sydney for 19 days on absolute bedrest after moving furniture around our new tiny flat the day after we had moved out of my brothers house when I was 26 weeks pregnant and breaking my waters. After that my blood pressure fell so low I fainted and then two weeks later it shot through the roof. I was induced at 40 weeks plus two days. I was in agony for 24 hours before they realised my hips aren't the sort that can bear children. His head was stuck and I was taken for an emergency c-section at 8pm on the 9th of August 2007.
Caltech was born, 8 pounds 5 ounces, 52cm long, with whisps of black hair and the right number of fingers and toes. I was 20 years old, the Bearded Wonder was 19. And we had no idea what we were doing.