Wasn't ready to simply be a wife
Boy! Is being a wife a different role than being a daughter! Cleaning, cooking, mending, paying bills. You’re co-responsible for a household. Apart from that, you’re also responsible for upholding, supporting and taking care of your husband. This means you’re no longer just taking care of yourself but you need to watch your words, thoughts and mood for someone else. You are a team. Just a year and a half ago I sat down and had a thinker. Meaning I had a serious talk with myself. And I realized how far I was from being ready to take the leap. To leave the nest. To build my own nest. I had so much more to learn before I could start fending for someone other than myself.
This was late spring and I knew that summer would bring parties, dances, activities and that I might have a way better chance of meeting my future someone at this time of year than any. And with a stab comprehension I knew that if I did meet “him” this summer, I would simply have to tell him that I was not ready yet. I felt like I might never be ready. But then he turned up. I was already paired with him for an upcoming youth event. We were going to be counselors together.
And it all happened so fast. As soon as I knew how I felt about him, all I could think about was that I wanted to be his wife. I think it wasn’t till after the honeymoon that it dawned on me. Or maybe not even then. Cause Marcus was my best friend and living together was still a game. So when dinner time came and the bills started coming and the problems arose we would still look at each other and laugh, “Haha! We’re married!”. But then bigger decisions came around. Marcus got into BYU and we were going to Hawaii. We both had to quit our jobs and take a good look at our economy. It was tough moving to a different country for the second time in 6 months and I was starting school – in Swedish. It became an adventure. The game continued, now, to more exotic surroundings. We repeated our newly acquired experience of settling down together. We established new routines and it became our home.
And now, I have a thinker. And I realize that being a wife is relative. That a year and a half ago, I didn't fully understand the concept. Because I wasn't preparing to be just any wife. I was preparing to be Marcus' wife. And scary as that may have sounded back then, it got easier and easier when I got to know him and eventually love him. Because I learned what he needed in a wife. And what he needed was a woman that he loved and who loved him back. And for that, I was the perfect fit. Because that is all it takes. Love. And once you're the perfect fit for the job, the job goes from being overwhelming to being a game. An adventure. Because you have decided to spend the rest of your days with someone who truly loves you. And once you have that person in your life, and you are that person for someone else, anything will seem a little easier.
My point is... Don't say you can never be something if you would truly love to. I wouldn't say I'm an extraordinarily good wife, but I would say I'm really good at being Marcus' wife.