Unsolicited Relationship Advice: You Know, the Advice You Didn't Ask Me For
Every now and then I Google myself to view my virtual footprint.
I was surprised when I came up on a dating site as a member’s favorite poet—if only because I don’t write poetry. I am equally surprised though perturbed when I find that I’m giving my contacts (professional and personal) relationship tips via email.
When I can, I avoid giving relationship advice at all. The only piece of advice I know to be true—and I try not to pass this on too often—is: relationships end.
As we read, someone is ‘we should just be friend-ing’; ‘it’s not you—it’s me-ing’; or complicating their status as they decide they need more space, more time, more choices.
Relationships end, change, evolve, develop; much like writing, relationships undergo revisions. Not everyone will reach the ending at the same time. But if you look at your relationship past, you may find that the relationships that ended should have ended.
Not every relationship is built to last and not all of them are meant to.
My marriage ended before the papers were signed, the divorce declared. We didn’t talk about expectations, futures or even pasts so we didn’t talk about what we needed or expected from a marriage—from one another.
We should have.
If I were to pass along relationship advice to contacts who did not ask for it, I would say: relationships end; learn about yourself; keep growing; be happy with who you are before you look to add someone else to your equation; and when that someone no longer fits your equation—or you no longer fit theirs—subtract.
Actually, I would say a lot more.
But unlike my cyber persona who offers unsolicited advice via email, I wouldn’t say “increase your pleasure by adding size…” because really, it isn’t the only thing that matters.