Terms of Service: These People Accidentally Sold Their Eternal Souls
Question: When was the last time you read more than "click here" on a terms of service contract before you actually accepted it?
Never? Yeah, me either.
Well, we are not alone.
Sadly, the company said that approximately 88 percent of people who shopped on their site that day unwittingly handed over their souls because they never bothered to actually read the terms of service.
After announcing what they had done, Gamestation, in a gesture of good will, made plans to inform their customers that their souls would be free for pick-up, even though legally they were not required to do so. A fine example of great customer service, if I do say so myself.
Anyway, after hearing about this, I got to thinking that perhaps next time it would be wise for me to take a few minutes to read the fine print before clicking the little box. In fact, I have promised myself that from now on, I will go over all the terms of service with a fine-toothed comb, so that should I decide the product is not for me or realize soon after purchasing it that in fact I will not win the lottery in time to actually pay it off, I will know for sure that I can get a full refund.
Excuse me a second ...
Okay, I’m back. Sorry, I was just laughing too hard to continue typing, because any one who knows me is aware that I have the attention span of a four-year-old boy on a Fruit Loops high, and I'd never make it past the first three lines. Were companies to put their terms and conditions in layman's terms, I, for one, would be much more inclined to read them.
For example, here is a contract that would speak to me.
If you buy an item and then your husband/partner/lover threatens to leave you for someone younger and clearly more thrifty, you have five days to return it. Unless of course, your husband/partner/lover is over six feet tall and weighs 200 or more pounds with a body mass index of nine. In that case, please, really, feel free to stop by any time for your refund, or if your husband/partner/lover prefers to drive by the store and just toss the item through our front plate glass window, that is okay, too.
If you use the item and THEN your husband/partner/lover finds out you bought it and threatens to leave you for someone younger and more thrifty but one of us thinks we can take him/her down, your purchase will be considered a final sale.
If you come in screaming and yelling that you want your money back and threaten to go on your Twitter account and talk smack about our company and you're hot, we will not only take the product back but will give you any item in the store you want, including, but not limited to, the keys to our safe and the owner's brand-new Prius.
However, if you are not hot and come in here yelling and screaming, we will not only keep all your money, but we will have Ivan in the back make one of his notorious, lifelike voodoo dolls, guaranteeing you will be in constant pain for the rest of your life.
If you like the item but decide you prefer a different size or color, and you are hot and willing to sleep with one of us and have a hot girlfriend you'd be willing to bring along for another one of our employees, we will search to the ends of the earth to find you what you want and ship it to you overnight for free. If you're not hot and none of your girlfriends are hot either, well, then tough shit. You picked what you picked, so that's what you're stuck with. Next customer, please!
Now this is language I could relate to, and if they use point size 20 type on pink paper with rainbow stickers all around it and keep feeding me cookies the entire time I'm looking over it -- well then, give me a pen and let's get on with it, shall we?
Otherwise, I will be "forced" to continue to do as I have been doing, which is to not even give a cursory glance at any of the terms and conditions and instead spend an inordinate amount of time praying the item is sent covered in bubble wrap, because oh my God, I heart bubble wrap, it is so much fun to bounce on and all that cracking noise, and oh my God, I laugh and I laugh and oh, wait, is that a box of Fruit Loops I see?