Surprising Sex Issue That Shouldn't Exist
I don't know if I am naive, but I am a little surprised that in 2012 there are still guilt-related sex issues roaming around. We've had a Sexual Revolution, the PlayBoy empire, the birth of YouPorn.com, the Jersey Shore and Fifty Shades of Grey ... yet some women still carry guilt. And they don't talk about it: they just accept that maybe they can't/won't have orgasms. Oh, no.
Do your job and make women more sexually expressive.
And stop saying "unman me."
Let me explain: I'm not saying people should constantly talk about sex -- that would devalue it. I'm just surprised that some people still want to demonize and make others feel ashamed of it.
I have a friend (ok, I know people say this when they are really talking about themselves, but this is really about a friend) whom I will call Olive. Olive, by all measures, is an intelligent, liberated, beautiful, educated, fun-loving girl whom I have known and loved for many years: She's great.
We were talking the other day about celebrity porn videos and how the idea that these videos are "accidentally" leaked so easily must be a lie to get publicity. If someone had a video of me doing that, you know damn well I'd have it in a safe somewhere.
So, as the conversation progressed, I said something about One Night in Paris and that if everything else fails maybe Paris Hilton could be a porn fluffer. Olive fell silent.
"You mean doing that with your mouth?" She squeaked.
I was taken aback. I expected laughter, not a question that might be asked by a preteen. This was the same girl who carried lube in her purse in college -- just in case.
"Yes," I said. I felt embarrassed to describe the job requirements of a fluffer since I realized we were not on the same page.
"She services the male porn actor in between takes so he can keep his erection. With her mouth." I felt the need to clarify, but cringed as I said it out loud into the phone.
"Oh. I don't do that."
Wait, what? Suddenly I wanted to ask all sorts of questions: why, what, have you ever, is this a new thing, are you in a cult that forbids it?
"Oh, ok. Cool." And then I fell silent. For a few moments long enough to make it an awkward silence.
"Wait. I've known you for a long time. Are you telling me you don't give blowjobs?" I blurted out.
Olive sighed. "I don't do that. It seems unnatural. Dirty even. I can't do it."
"Well," I chose my words carefully as not wanting to upset her, "Do you like when they do that to you?" It was at this point I realized this was the most in-depth conversion Olive and I had ever had about oral sex. Perhaps she had steered clear of this topic our entire friendship.
"I don't do that. I can't get myself to enjoy it. It just feels ... awkward. Doesn't work for me."
I wanted to shout: It's not wrong! It's great! I went to catholic school, too, but most of the stuff they told us about premarital sex is archaic and bullshit. You will not be struck by lightening. Give it a chance!
Instead, all I got out was: "It's ok to enjoy sex. Whatever kind. It doesn't make you wrong."
Olive paused again. "What does it feel like?"
"Oral sex? Giving it or receiving?" I twisted my hair around my finger. I was a little uncomfortable playing the role of instructor as I never thought Olive rejected the idea of oral sex before.
"No. An Orgasm."