Suck it, Pinterest
OR: (Not So) Fun Winter Activities For You and Your Toddler
I am currently participating in a research I did not sign up for on the effects of long term home confinement with a toddler on mom’s psyche. Despite the research’s ongoingness, the results are already in and they are conclusive: I cried twice today with my kids. The duration of the experiment is unknown and the end date was vaguely specified by One Year Old’s Pediatrician as “when he gets better”. My youngest is suffering from The Daycares, a condition which manifests itself in chronic cough and runny nose with sporadic and occasional outbursts of fever on the day you were planning to send him back to daycare. We’re going on week four.
In an attempt to make snot into snotenade I started searching the internet for something like this:
I’m sure you’ve been exposed to some pinteresting suggestions on how to maximize your time at home with your toddler by creating adorable sock puppets from scratch or having cookie baking tournaments.
Time to get real, Pinterest. My toddler doesn’t posses the commitment level required for sitting. Sock puppets are SO not happening, which is why, based on four weeks of observation, I came up with an alternative list:
Not So Fun Activities Which Will Happen Whether You Like it or not When You’re at Home With Your Toddler and It’s -25º, So Suck it, Pinterest.
1. Push “intercom” button on the phone repeatedly. Goal: The phone should never stop ringing.
2. Stand back and watch what happens when you spill the contents of your sippy cup on the floor. Goal: In the name of Science.
3. Drop the contents of IKEA coffee table drawer on the floor. Goal: Eat all of mama’s business cards.
4. Climb on the window ledge and jump off to couch. Goal: Why should your brother have all the fun?
5. Destroy brother’s change-pad-roofed-diaper-box-house/thinking spot. Goal: Why should your brother have any fun?
6. An empty hamper basket or toy box belongs on your head. Goal: Time to take running to the next level.
7. When being fed a bottle of milk in your room: Do NOT take it! Run in circles and if all else fails hide behind the curtain. Goal: You’ve seen the milk. You know where this is going. Don’t let that happen.
8. Empty the Kleenex box. Goal: Empty the Kleenex box.
9. Use your mouth to transport various objects around the house. Goal: At least one object has to end up in mama’s mouth.
10. Say “this” pointing at a different item each time. When mama hands it to you toss it. Advanced level: Toss it at mama. Goal: Therapeutic.
What sorts of (P)intersting activities are your toddlers/kids into?