The song from Frozen I wish my kids didn't listen to...

The song from Frozen I wish my kids didn't listen to...

My kids listen to the Frozen soundtrack all the time… It’s in our car, it’s in our house -- at this point it’s in our very souls.  I find myself singing it even without my kids around, which is sad, really, but I’ve definitely had worse kids songs trapped in my head.  (“Elmo raps the alphabet” probably tops that list.)

And I love the whole Frozen phenomenon.  I really do.  I’m so glad there’s a successful kid’s movie out there about girls for once and the ending doesn’t involve being rescued by a man.  It’s a sister rescue!  What a concept!

There are so many positive messages in this movie -- except for one.   And in my opinion -- it’s a biggie.

Trolls

It’s The “Fixer-upper” song.

My kids were all singing it in the car the other day and I had to turn it off and say, “You know, this song isn’t correct.  You can’t “fix” someone.  People are the way they are and you should never get in a relationship where you spend all of your time and energy trying to fix a dysfunctional partner.  Life is too short.”

There was a stony silence in the car as my kids stared at me like the one big Frozen-buzz kill I had suddenly become.  But I cannot believe that in 2014 we’re telling little girls that you can find a totally messed up guy, clean him up and fix him because he’s “broken” and then he’ll be right for you.  This seems like a 1950’s mentality that I thought was long gone, and here I am, watching my 8-year-old daughter belt it out at the top of her lungs.

Frozen1

And Kristoff from Frozen – Oh my God – The "Fixer Upper" song is like one big relationship red flag set to music.

Just listen to what the trolls are saying about this guy –

“What’s the issue, dear? Why are you holding back from such a man?  Is it the clumpy way he walks?  Or the grumpy way he talks?  Or the pear-shaped, square-shaped weirdness of his feet?”  And we know he washes well, he sort of ends up sort of smelly, but you’ll never meet a fellow whose more – sensitive and sweet!”

Okay, I’m fine with his feet and the way he walks – Kristoff can’t help that, although you might want check out his feet if you’re thinking of having kids with him.

But the grumpy part – that’s Anna’s first red flag.  He's got problems right off the bat.  He’s that young and he’s grumpy all the time?  What’s he going to be like when he’s forty?  Fifty?  Sixty?  I can tell you exactly what he’s going to be like -- one of those angry, old guys I see at Costco all the time shopping their wives.  Or one of those guys that yells at the television and honks and tail-gates people in traffic.  Unless you really do a lot of personal work to figure out the source of your unhappiness, anger only gets worse as you age, not better.

But the grumpy thing is nothing compared to the next Kristoff red flag in the song --

“So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper, so he’s got a few flaws.  Like his peculiar reindeer, his thing with the reindeer, that’s a little outside of nature’s laws!”

Okay, so what exactly do they mean by having a “thing with a reindeer outside of nature’s laws?”  At best, Kristoff is going to have a hard time learning to put Anna before his beloved reindeer, and at worst we’re talking about something far darker, something that is illegal in most states and should never even be hinted at in a Disney movie.

Sven2

And let's say the trolls are exaggerating Kristoff’s relationship with Sven.  They are clearly best friends and Sven, being an animal, will most likely not adjust well to his new status as third wheel.  When my husband and I first started dating, my dog not only bit him in the face, but peed on his pillow repeatedly.  I’m wondering how long Anna will put up with reindeer crap on her side of the bed before she says, “Sven’s gotta go.”

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