When you are single, friends and family always want to know, “When are you going to meet a nice man?”
Then, you find him, that man of your dreams & now you are in a serious relationship.
Next it is…”When are the two of you going to get married?” That magical day comes. You marry your best friend & are ready to start your lives together.
No sooner than you throw the bouquet, someone is at your side saying, “Now it’s time for a baby.”
When our daughter was born, I thought that was it. We are blissfully married, live in a house with a blue porch & a yard, have a dog & a daughter we adore.
Then it happens…”When are you going to have baby number 2?”
Not that we haven’t thought about it of course. I actually would really love to try for another. It has been an on-going discussion for the past year, but are we ready? There are mixed feelings about this in our house. Here are the reasons against and then for, having a second child as outlined by my husband & I.
1.Reliving the infant stage. Our daughter is a wonderful toddler. She is smart, sweet, affectionate & funny. While she still can be a handful at times, for the most part she is a joy, but as an infant she was a nightmare. I know this sounds harsh to say, but it is the brutal and honest truth. She spent the first six months of her life sleepless and in tears & so did I. What if baby number 2 follows in her footsteps or is even worse?
2. The financial burden. Money is tighter now than it has ever been. While we used to live quite comfortably, we now have to pinch our pennies. I left my career to take a year off from work to stay home with Mai. When I rejoined the work force, we were lucky enough that my fabulous mother-in-law took on our child care. Would we be able to afford me taking off another year to be a stay at home mommy?
3. Sharing our love. Our daughter is the light of our loves. Neither of us could imagine a life without her. How could we possibly love another child as much as we already love her? How would it affect Mai when attention must be given to a new baby?
4. Pregnancy & labor again. I know some women just adore being pregnant. They are beautiful & they glow and are able to run marathons and work while they are going into labor. I am not one of those women. Other than a few moments of enjoyment with feeling the kicks of my little one, I hated being pregnant. The weight gain, the ligament pain & the heartburn were not fun for me.
1. Sibling love. I know that not everyone has the ideal relationship with their siblings & that is unfortunate. My husband & I have both been blessed with brothers & sister that are both siblings & friends. My husband & I have both lost a parent. We turned to our families during those hard times. I am not sure I would have gotten through our mother’s passing without my sister’s love and support. Even with an 11 year age difference, we are as close as two sisters can be. Chris & I know the importance of siblings & wanted this for Mai.
2. Double the love. As I explained earlier, one reason I am wary of having another child is that I am afraid that I could not possibly love another child as much as my little girl. What if I am wrong? Everyone with multiple children insists that I am. What if having a second bundle of love fills our lives with just that much more joy?
3. Reliving the milestones. I always used to find it funny when parents would say “Enjoy it! It goes by so fast.” I never understood what that meant. Time goes by the same for all of us. Wrong! Our clocks may all tick at the same pace but when you have a child, time truly does seem to move at warp speed. In a blink, you are a new mommy, scared, insecure & in charge of this tiny life. You open your eyes and that tiny life has grown and is walking & talking and kissing you goodnight. If you are at all like me, you reach a point where you wish you could freeze them at the age they are in. As my daughter is quickly evolving before my eyes, I find myself missing certain stages. I even miss the infant stage occasionally.
4. Learning & socialization. Not only would having a new baby bring a playmate to your child in later years, it will teach them a lot of important values, such as sharing, dealing with conflict and basic socialization.
These are our arguments. We both agree that these are the pros & cons but my view is that the pros outweigh the cons, whereas my husband views it the opposite.
What are your thoughts? We would love to hear your input, maybe some of your stories will help sway us into the same direction.