Should we have more children?
'Are you going to have another one?'
'Are you going to try for a boy?'
These questions have been popping up, annoyingly alot, ever since we had our third child. Which raises the question to ask ourselves. 'Do we want more?'
James says a big fat NO!
I always wanted 3 children and that's what I have. 3 beautiful, sweet, stinky, not to mention HIGH MAINTENANCE, adorable little girls who have my heart completely. My head says NO MORE! But my heart seems to think differently. Every time someone asks me these questions, I immediately follow with an answer from my head. "NO EFFING WAY!' which follows by this god awful feeling like I've just stabbed myself in the heart.
So lets visit all the little things that go on in my head when I think of more children.
Pregnancy -EVERY single pregnancy has presented an army of issues. I have had morning sickness the ENTIRE time, resulting in hospital visits. This was always my first indicator that I was pregnant. AGAIN. I had already 'popped out' of my jeans by 2 months and was filled with depressive emotions because I was at that stage where you only look fat and not pregnant yet. I would stay at this stage for a good 2 - 3 months. You all know what I'm talking about! This often resulted in comments from my lovely partner about how many pies I have been eating, who's friends would think it was hilarious and join in. Very funny. For them.
I HATE being pregnant. I loath those women who speak of pregnancy as being beautiful. I never got the 'glow' nor did I feel great at ANY time. I felt ENORMOUS, I ate like a pig and I spent more time hugging the toilet bowl than I did hugging my family. I whinged and moaned ALOT. James could probably write an entire blog post on my whinging. He copped it all. After reading this, he will probably consider it, so stay tuned!
Then there is the list of other things. Fatigue - I could have slept the entire pregnancy if I was allowed to. Sore breasts, constipation, heart burn, reflux, hair loss, constant toilet visits. "lightning pains" oh my f*#%ing god lightning pains - the only way I can describe these is that it's like that beautiful bundle of joy inside you has a sharp knife and is stabbing you in the va-jay-jay from the inside out! I got these alot. Along with excruciating back pain.
CHILD BIRTH. Need I say more.
Then there are all the post-pregnancy issues that nobody tells you about.
Statistics - Recent statistics have shown that the average cost of raising two children for a middle-income family is $812,000 by the time they are 20! We have 3 already. Imagine if we have more! Not to mention we have 3 girls. 3 girls = 3 weddings! I can just see our luck now, we would most likely have another girl. The average cost for a wedding now is $45,000. Imagine how much it will be when they are older. Fingers crossed we are not doomed to have 3 girls that are that high maintenance that they need to spend that much money for one day. Although, I wouldn't take their wedding dreams away from them if they did. Just need to set them up with good choices and marry a rich man. One can only dream hey.
So can we afford it? Maybe if I get my back side into gear and focus on my career.
Navy - This is a big one for me. James' career holds a special part of our lives. It is his life and has become mine now too. There are times when he is away for months at a time. I have lost my mind almost every time is he gone. The kids drive me insane and I long for the days where I can have 'me' time. Why would I have more? Seriously? Someone slap me right now!
Now speaking from my heart. Although these girls drive me crazy sometimes, I get no sleep and the never ending tantrums in public make me want to get in my car and leave them there for some other poor mum to deal with. They bring so much joy to my life and I am totally in love with our little family. But that heart stabbing feeling won't leave me. I don't feel like I'm done or that our family is complete yet. Every time I say I don't want more, I feel saddened. Now I'm not saying I want another one right now, but maybe a few years down the track. I've even started teasing James about having another one and in the process I've started convincing myself even more that I want to.