An open letter to the makers of technology and social media: I love you, I hate you.
Dear Makers of all things evil (and awesome),
I'm too old for this shit. Who's idea was it anyway to make us so reliant on absolutely nothing, that we forget to eat lunch while we're sitting in a restaurant having lunch? Between FaceBook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Google+, Klout and a plethora of other social media platforms, you pretty much need an assistant just to get a life; and if you plan on having kids any time soon, you're going to need more than one!
There was a day, not too long ago, when we would wake up and the first thing we did was look at the clock. The alarm clock: a small device once used to aid in the attempt of getting ready for work by repeatedly blaring a high pitched tone in a persons ear until they threw it up against the wall. Now when we roll over, it's to a soothing rhythm or song of your choosing that is deeply intertwined in an over-priced portable telephone you can find firmly glued to your hand. God forbid THAT sucker ever hits a wall!
So when did we stop wearing watches and break out in hives whenever there wasn't immediate access to a telephone: a telephone, I might add, that is used for everything BUT talking. Who are we and what the hell is going to happen to our kids in another ten years? I can see it now... while I'm waiting for the service guy to show up and install our new communication tube (you know, the one that my daughter and I will be using in lieu of conversation?), I'll miss the call that he's stuck in traffic because my mindreading-Pad was down for repairs. I guess the good news is... we're going to save a shit-load of money on that virtual wedding she'll be planning one day!
I'll be honest, I'm pretty sure no one even reads my little blog and I sure as hell ain't getting paid towrite it, so please just do me a favor and stop inventing ways for me to spend more time abusing my rapidly diminishing eyesight in a hopeless attempt to get people to like me: they never will and it's fucking annoying.
Mother on the verge of a nervous breakdown