The Official BlogHer Olympic Team Uniform WTF Panel
Today, BlogHer convened an important editorial panel to discuss a breaking news item of extreme social media significance: Olympic team uniforms.
Editor in Chief Stacy Morrison
Executive Editor Julie Ross Godar
Deputy Editor Rita Arens
Community Manager (and Canadian) Karen Ballum
Family & Events Editor Jenna Hatfield
….and YOU. Leave your best critiques in the comments!
UNITED STATES: OPENING CEREMONY
— NBC Olympics (@NBCOlympics) January 23, 2014
KAREN: Oh America. I am so very sorry.
JULIE: The tweet that made this panel so very necessary. The official U.S. Olympic motto should be, "Where's the après-ski, brah?"
STACY: Ralph Lauren seems to have done acid this year. It's Ugly Christmas Sweater meets North American ego. Plus, those look like IVORY SWEATPANTS. So not classy. The chinos in the illustration look much better than where they ended up.
RITA: I already saw that jacket at a church potluck.
— NBC Olympics (@NBCOlympics) January 21, 2014
RITA: Is that Robin Thicke?
JULIE: No, it's a barbershop quartet made entirely of migraine auras.
KAREN: I cannot wait to see what other countries' curlers are wearing. Because their outfits are always even more extreme.
STACY: True. I always think the curlers and the Texas GOP Convention delegation have a lot in common in how they dress, minus the ten-gallon hats.
KAREN: Actually, I feel like the Canadian Olympic team wore Stetsons one year. Probably in '88. Calgary is all about the white Stetsons.
Oct. 30, 2013 - ON, Canada - Brad Spence, an Alpine Skier walks off the stage as the Canadian Olympic Committee unveils Canada's uniforms for the Sochi Olympics at the Distillery District in Toronto. (Image: © Dave Abel/QMI Agency/ZUMAPRESS.com)
KAREN: We release our uniforms before the holidays because we merch the heck out of them. Everyone wants a beaver scarf, right?
JENNA: I do.
STACY: That's not a beaver. That's the Man in the Moon recovering from a bender. See?
RITA: "Welcome to Canada! Welcome to Canada! Here's a talking beaver video!"
KAREN: THE BEAVER IS A PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL, YOU GUYS. I know. It was in a beer commercial.
Dec. 26, 2013 - Moscow, Russia - December 26, 2013. - Russia, Moscow. - Presentation ceremony of Russian Olympic and Paralympic teams' uniforms at the GUM store. In picture: figure skater Oksana Domnina, TV host Yulia Bordovskikh. (Image: © Russian Look/ZUMAPRESS.com)
JULIE: The country that prompted calls to boycott the Games for its draconian laws barring "gay propaganda" chose rainbow gloves for its uniform? And then just last week arrested an LGBT activist for waving a rainbow flag? Stay classy, Sochi.
RITA: “I didn’t design the uniforms.” -- Putin
STACY: I can't look at those jackets and not automatically think, "R U Kidding?"
RUSSIA: OPENING CEREMONY
Dec. 26, 2013 - Moscow, Russia - December 26, 2013. - Russia, Moscow. - Presentation ceremony of Russian Olympic and Paralympic teams' uniforms at the GUM store. In picture: models showcase Russian Olympic team uniforms. (Image: © Russian Look/ZUMAPRESS.com)
JULIE: First they stole the rainbow. Then they stole our rave attire.
RITA: They better not steal the rest of Macklemore.
STACY: Screw the beaver scarf. If you're going to get a piece of Olympic clothing, go for the Mongolian lamb.
— NBC Olympics (@NBCOlympics) October 2, 2013
STACY: Was ist das?
JULIE: I like that the uniform might well be a giant Eff You to Russia's anti-LGBT policies. I like even more that the pants pattern was lifted from a suitcase my mom had in the '70s.
RITA: I love everything from the colors to the smirks.
More on our Olympic uniforms for Sochi, I like it. pic.twitter.com/gOVqXyEnxM
— Sergey Bubka (@sergey_bubka) January 23, 2014
STACY: Well. We can just go ahead and give the gold medal for humility to Ukraine.
RITA: Now on sale for $5 at Old Navy.
JULIE: It's very high school track. I was going to say "high-school-track chic" but no. I'm glad Sergey likes it.
UNITED STATES: SPEEDSKATING
Last week, Under Armour and Lockheed Martin unveiled the ultra-high-tech, dimpled Team USA speedskating uniform called Mach 39. Image: Under Armour.
STACY: Ummmm.... are those Teflon patches to keep him from bursting into flames or something? Ventilation? Just: Why?
RITA: Just: Thank you.
JULIE: I have somethigh to say about this. I mean, I don't know what to thigh about this. I mean, yes, thigh you very much, speedskating.