The Death of a Dream: I Spent the Weekend With An Old Boyfriend

So began the weekend I'd anticipated for decades, or more recently, the seven months it took to lose a lot of weight and learn to talk in an inside voice again. The weekend I'd see Tony, my boyfriend from 40 years ago who I'd never forgotten and in whose memory I'd woven a strangled web of nostalgia, sexual fantasy and just the eensiest smidgen of middle-aged desperation. And in which he was entangled, at best from affection and desire, at worst from the fear he'd wake up one morning to find me in his driveway with a suitcase and a cat....more

Let's All Stop Worrying About Happiness

There’s a perfume called Happy and it smells terrible on me. If they made a perfume called Curmudgeonly, it’d be my signature scent. Image: A.M. Kuchling...more
I love this. I'm someone who often comes off as curmudgeonly, too.  But it's not necessarily ...more

I'd Rather Be Home Alone, Listening to My Radio

I’m dating my radio. OK, don’t get judgy. And before you picture me in my New York City apartment, sitting endlessly in my jammies, singing “All By Myself” into a hairbrush-cum-microphone, surrounded by ten cats, let me first say that I’m still kind of a babe and, frankly, men dig me. Done. But in a city such as this, where people are strange when you’re a stranger, you long for a connection. However, there’s a genuine difference between being alone and feeling lonely. ...more

Have You Turned Into Your FATHER?

When I was a kid, one of my favorite books was called “Mom, You’re Fired!” I still remember the bright yellow cover featuring an exasperated girl, nearly pulling her hair out in consternation at her mother, depicted in black and white in the background, cluelessly going about her job of embarrassing her daughter. ...more
hahah, definitely. and before reading this piece, I never thought of it that way, but yes. :)more

Do You Love Your Local Gay Bar, Too?

It had been one of those days where I was completely drained of all life and hope and any cheery molecules. It was one of those days that show up in my hair—the worse things get, the more my hair stands straight out, like I’m touching one of those electricity balls at the science center. What I’m saying to you is: I was having a bad day. Image: derekgavey...more
Not a bar guy or a bar fly but to each his own.more

Online Dating Sites Didn't Work For Me

The first time I wrote a personal ad was because my therapist twisted my arm. It was four years ago, I was moving back to New York City and, as they used to say in the print days, “ISO” women. Image: Brett Jordan...more
Met my husband on a dating site, and we are a month away from our 2nd wedding anniversary with a ...more

I Think Internet Porn Is Dangerous

Here’s how much of a girl I am: It must have taken me 10 years of being online before it even registered with me that you can look at lots of porn here. I don’t think mine was a universal experience—as every man can tell you. Good gravy, men love the online lasciviousness. I wonder how many men visited a porn site as their first World Wide Web interaction? I'd ask for a show of hands, but … EW! ...more
Science pretty clearly shows that online porn is dangerous, especially for young men who haven't ...more

I Used To Be Fearless. What Happened?

Last week, my friend took me to a beautiful place we’d gone to over the years. It’s a short hike up to a ledge that looks out over a spectacular vista of deciduous trees in various stages of fall colors. Image: Nicholas_T...more
I wasn't scared, either, in my 20s.  But by living life and being a part of the world, we become ...more

Bad Relationship Advice from the 70s and 80s

I took a lot of bad advice in the '70s and '80s: Switch everything to reel-to-reel. This stuff REALLY helps you lose weight. Don't buy an apartment in Manhattan—Queens is cheaper. But by far the worst advice from those heady days was reserved for the area of romantic relationships. ...more
I don't think one can call it bad advice if they only pretend to take the advice and get bad ...more

Things You Kinda Love Are Things I Kinda Hate

There are lots of things I love. Mashed potatoes. Fireflies. The sound of a train in the distance. Vick’s Vapo-Rub. Oh, I could smell that eucalypticky smell all day. But sometimes I feel like a freak because there are so many things people are always talking about that appear to be universally beloved, and I’m like all, eh. Is it just me or are all of you people crazy? So l wonder if you're gonna feel me on any of these dozen things I kinda hate that you kinda love, or if I'm alone with the crickets. (I also love the sound of crickets.) OK, here goes: ...more
Cinnamon rolls.more