This Fairy Godmother Seems to Have Lost Her Wand

Growing up, my only vision of godmothers was of the fairy tale type, of kind older women who spoke with a ringing lilt and carried a magic wand.  Disney shaped my view of what it meant to be a godmother, the duties that the title carried, namely making wishes come true and creating ball gowns from rags. They had other-worldly powers which I guess was why I never had a godmother, because in my world, godmothers only existed on the big screen....more

Retirement Seems Like a Whole Lotta Work

I was never one of those little girls who dreamed of my wedding day, who cut out pictures from magazines and scribbled ideas in my diary. There would be a wedding and then there would be children. A boy and then a girl. That much I knew with certainty. The hows and wheres were always a bit vague. But as fuzzy as those details were, the post-wedding, post-raising-of-the-children years appear to be fuzzier still....more

Before You Take the Plunge, Enjoy Your Own Kiddie Pool

By anyone’s standards, I am fortunate - on many levels, really - but for one thing in particular:  My husband never travels for work. When I say never, I mean never. Well, perhaps in the 28 years he has worked for his company he has traveled two or three times for something work-related, but in general, St. Louis is his home base. And for many years that was a huge perk of his job, that and the flexibility being a salesperson afforded him. No travel, great hours. What more could I ask for? For him to leave....more

Wanna Feel Better About Your Body? Spend a Day at the Beach

Ask any woman and she will tell you that there are three things she hates to shop for: jeans, bras and swimsuits. Standing in front of a mirror, half-dressed, while cramming and tugging parts of your body into skimpy clothing better suited for someone half your age is no one’s idea of a fun day. And then add a D3 deficient, alabaster white body to the mix and you can see why I avoid the experience as long as possible. But then the promise of a soft sandy beach and free top-shelf alcohol beckon,s and I groan and make the dreaded trip to the mall. Time to put modesty aside and bare all....more

My Own Personal Rom-Com: Clueless in St. Louis

Valentine’s Day at our house is less like a Hallmark holiday and more like The Newlywed Game. For years, Barney has echoed the sentiment of other unromantic husbands and declared February 14th a greeting card sham, a scheme perpetrated and upheld by the female population. I think that’s a terribly unoriginal and narrow-minded view seeing as how just a couple of weeks prior football fanatics in this country thought the day after Super Bowl should be declared a national holiday. Give me a break....more

Bruce's Journey: A Road Map For All of Us

Well we all have a faceThat we hide away foreverAnd we take them out and show ourselvesWhen everyone has goneBilly Joel, The Stranger ...more

Why Does Everything Seem to Break At Once?

It’s a conspiracy.  That’s the only explanation I can come up with. Here’s my theory: Late at night, while everyone’s asleep, the household appliances and anything not covered under the home warranty, all start talking. “Psst, hey, Mac. Yeah, it’s me, ol’ HP. Oh, don’t act like you can’t hear me. You think you’re all that just because you’re some fancy schmancy computer and they had to put you on a layaway plan in order to bring you home and with me, heck, I get replaced every two years. We printers get no respect. Anyhows, whaddya think about messin’ with the folks who live here?...more

Should You Tattle to Other Parents?

No one likes a tattletale, least of all the English language. Any and all synonyms for the title conjure up nasty images; snitch, whistle-blower, narc, sneak, squealer all make you want to twist your face as if you’ve smelled something rotten. So who would willingly attach themselves to such a negative moniker? I guess I’m one of those fools. Tattle telling is as ingrained in toddlers as temper tantrums. They are just wired to rat. Or at least my kids were. ...more
I just had to tattle this past weekend, but I believe it was to save the other child from ...more

I'm All for "Let it Go" As Long As It Doesn't Concern One of My Kids

Do you think all the little six-year-old girls in this country would put a bounty on my head if I told Elsa to shut up? To stop screaming “Let it Go”? More importantly, do I care? Not really. I mean, it’s a great message, but if I remember correctly, Elsa didn’t have kids of her own. If she did, the song title instead might have been “Let it Go, Unless You Have Children and Then Good Luck Not Worrying”....more

Rule #1 of Baking: Always Blame Your Oven

All it took was a birthday cake to make me feel humbled. When I asked my daughter what she wanted for her birthday dessert, she immediately answered, “Carrot cake.” No big surprise there; that’s what she always wants for her birthday, but I thought I’d better double check just in case – teenage girls can be so fickle. A carrot cake I could handle. No need to call in the big guns for that one. (The big guns being the local supermarket bakery.) I read a few recipes, bought some carrots and some candles, and set to work. Easy enough, really....more