When Your Ex's Ex is Your Best Ally

I probably would have stayed if I hadn't talked to his ex girlfriend. He was so good at making me feel uncertain of myself, like I was misremembering his words, my words, our actions and agreements. It got to a point where I insisted we write everything down, so that we didn't get tangled up in confusion. I didn't realize that he was pulling the strings on purpose to trip me up....more

“Radical Self-Reliance” Is Killing People. It almost killed me last week.

Trigger warning: frank discussion of suicideOk. I’ve been sitting on these feelings for a long time, and some of my dear readers have probably heard me rant about this in person, but I have a bone to pick with some of the catchphrases/attitudes I hear winging around the Bay Area. Really, I have a bone to pick with five that I think actively damage communities we care about and hurt people we love....more

Look- Sometimes Drugs Are A Valid Coping Mechanism.

Trigger warnings: drug use, sexual assault, take this advice with a grain of saltAlso want to note: comments on how this isn’t an ok way to deal with my problems and I should meditate or go jogging instead or whatever are absolutely unwelcome unless you personally were one of the people helping me manage this situation. Thanks!...more

Fatphobia: A Guide for the Disbeliever

First, a little bit about me. I'm an American who has lived on one coast or the other, who has spent extended time in Poland and in London....more

Paying For It: How Paypal Hurts Sex Workers

"In a sluggish economy, never, ever f*** with another man's livelihood." - Risky Business ...more

“Femininity is for Sissies”: or, the Queering of Forced Feminization

When I was working as a professional Domme, I got a fair number of requests from men who want to be “sissified”, “forced” into frilly girly undies and makeup and turned into an “objectified slut”. Sissification is one of those things I encounter often, both in the Femdom scene and the AB/DL scene, and while I love the dresses, I wonder about the intention behind this kink. I find it all kinds of problematic on multiple levels. ...more
Wuffelchen thanks!more

Making the Beast With Two Backs... with the Black Dog

I’m quite possibly crazy....more

Is There Such A Thing as "Ethical Porn"?

One question I hear a lot as someone in the adult industry who also identifies as a feminist is, "What *is* ethical porn? " And is it even possible?...more
I think that anyone who makes an “honest” living in the sex industry should be seen as someone ...more

Fat, Fit, and the Space In Between

I’m usually fairly secure in my fat body. Most days I love my round tummy, and my stretch-marked breasts, and my thick thighs, and even my jiggly upper arms. I perform in pornography, have modeled nude since I was 19, and I don’t feel awkward when taking my towel off at a hot tub establishment. I have a closet full of costumes and clothes that I’ve cultivated over multiple years that make me feel fierce and femme....more