The Scary People are Coming to Dinner

The part about extending invitations to dinner is luscious."Oh, you really must come, see our new kitchen." Head toss, wave. The best feeling ever is when the event itself is a long ways off, a beautiful feast on the horizon, everyone well-coiffed, pleasant, and stainless. Idyllic....more

My Square in the Domestic Violence Quilt

PART 1Thirty years ago, I sat all night on the sofa in my upper flat, smoking Benson & Hedges, with my mother's green and orange afghan wrapped around my shoulders, waiting for my addicted, unpredictable, and sometimes violent boyfriend to pull up in front of my house, get out of his car, and use the key I had given him by mistake to come in and kill us all....more

The Reflex of Deference: What Keeps Male Privilege Going

Deference is the wee tiny rock that women carry in their pockets, the signal to tell them to get out of the way, sit down and be quiet, but who put that rock there?...more
Patriarchy is like air, the signals are everywhere. It can be overcome, but it isn't easy. It ...more

Five Things Young Women Need to Know about Life before Roe v. Wade

 Tomorrow night I am going to the campus of the small state university where, as a sophomore 47 years ago, I discovered that I was pregnant and agreed reluctantly to have an illegal and unsafe abortion, the effects of which hung on me for years like a wretched, filthy grey sweater....more

Just Like I Remembered: High School Reunion

 When my old boyfriend came through the door of the hotel where my 40th high school reunion was being held, three girls, wait, three 58-year old women scurried over to quick give me the 411.  "Clark's here." "He's right over there." Shushing and fluttering like starlings after the same bug, they gathered round waiting for my reaction. My reaction?...more

Would You Want to be a Homeless Woman with No Tampons?

Can you image what it would be like to be a homeless woman without tampons?...more
I checked into this with a company that manufactures/markets these and they indicate that there ...more

How Gun Violence is Ruining My City

The parts of our city where all the shootings go on has become another planet. We orbit reluctantly, wishing that something sunnier was our gravitational force. Not violence and death and children dying on playgrounds because two young men made each other angry....more

A New Line in the Sand

If you love someone and that someone often disappoints you, maybe hurts you, lets you down, wrecks your stuff, or gives you a black eye you can't explain to your boss, you are often compelled to draw a new line in the sand.This goes for parents who go cold on you, adult children who are addicted or mentally ill, friends whose extreme needs soak up all your energy, and lovers and husbands who compartmentalize their gentle and gentlemanly behavior in small cubes, an occasional sweetness on the tongue, so potent that you will forget what happened before and what will happen next....more

Always Eat Breakfast and Other Lessons I Taught My Daughter

The light was on in the kitchen and then the small light in the dining room. I saw my daughter setting out a placemat, a bowl and a spoon, a box of corn flakes. Of course, a box of corn flakes. She always ate corn flakes growing up."You have to get up, Mom. We have to leave for the airport in a half hour."It was 4:00 a.m. The rest of the houses on her street and most of San Diego was dark....more

It's Not New, It's Just New to You

Something about Michael Brown's shooting in Ferguson, Missouri, has struck a chord with white women bloggers because I sure have seen a lot of 'I can't believe how horrible racism is' posts as if this is the first time they've realized that racism can have fatal consequences....more
You're not wrong. I don't think that it is new to me, but it is definitely something I don't ...more