Giving in and giving up

This used to be a fun place. Stories about derby, family fights in Walmart, peeing or not peeing in the bushes next to the valet stand..... Ah, we have had some good times.But the last few years this journal of mine has become downright depressing ....more

2 under 1: Remembering to put on a bra is good enough for now

Hi there.For the last month I have written so many posts in my head during middle of the night feedings, only to have them erased when I wake up in the morning. Actually it feels like every thought in my head meets the same fate these days. I am trying, man ....more

I could have said no.

I could have said no. I know this.Ella was asleep in the backseat as I drove her resolutely to her grandmother.I knew she was going to be gone all weekend.I was preparing myself for her to be gone forever.I hoped we might get one more night with her before the final transfer.And then my phone rang.He had a baby for me. For Christmas ....more

The Unwinding

A huge part of life as a foster child is spent in the car, being driven to various appointments, visits and checkups.And through it all, you have to leave them with strangers, watch strangers take them and walk away from you. And it is difficult, of course.You get used to it.Because it is always in the back of your mind, that someday they will leave in the back seat of a stranger's car... and they won't come back ....more

Hold Your Fire Save it.Save your outrage. Keep it with you. Nurture it ....more

Death by Stand Up

I love stand up. I could watch Louis CK for hours, and the first record I ever bought was an Eddie Murphy album at a garage sale in 1984. Imagine a little white girl lying in her bedroom in Newport RI, ...more

The Foster Baby Takes a Vacation

I must apologize for the weeks of quiet here in Paradise. We've been gone, you see. And re-entry is a bitch.Let's get up to speed.When last I wrote, we were leaving on our vacation ....more

Thrift Shop - we really don't need your sympathy

When I was a kid, I had no idea what a thrift shop was. There was no Goodwill or Salvation Army or Savers. At least, not that I was aware of ....more

Gone Fishing. The loss of a childhood friend.

He wore a skirt to my 13th birthday party, and kissed me next to the pool table in my grandparent's basement.We went to a small school together in a seaside town known for fresh scallops and lobster shacks. Buoys hung from backyard fences where lobster traps were stacked for mending, boat trailers rested in gravel driveways, and lifejackets mixed with bikes in the garages that had sand for floors. Fishing boats lined up along the coast every evening, and churned out to sea as the sun rose each day ....more

LIke a Virgin: Daffodil checks out a gay bar.

Yes Virginia, there is indeed a first time for everything.I know. The thought that I have never in all of my (none of your damn business) years ever been in a gay bar is shocking.I have no idea how I made it this long, and came this far (no pun intended) without stepping foot in an establishment that is filled with some of my very favorite people: Bartenders.I kid.But try as I might, I truly cannot recall another time when I was in a bar that was officially (or unofficially) a "gay bar". Granted, there are long blank spaces in my memory - particularly in the late-night time frame - but I think I would remember something so totally fabulous....more