My Whole30 Diary: Day 29 recap.
DAY 29 THOUGHTS:
It’s so good to be almost finished, but, in many ways, it feels like a bit of a curse. I’m somewhat regretting that I promised myself the weekend to do with what I want before beginning the program afresh on Monday; I’m also wishing that I had the willpower to say to myself declaratively, “No nuts, starting now.” But I did, and I don’t. The past two days, I feel like all the progress I made in mindful eating has really been cast aside. I feel like I’m trying to fit in all of my bad behaviors while I can, which is precisely what I did just before I quit sugar (that is, I attempted to eat everything in my house that contained sugar, including three different bags of chocolate chips and an unconscionable number of miniature York Peppermint Patties). On Day 29, as I honest-to-God shoveled handfuls of almonds and raisins (later cursing the hot bath of insulin that I had, in so doing, drawn for myself), I realized that I have a lot of work to do still. So much work. And I’m glad I’m going to give it another go.
I thought that, at this point in my Whole30, all of the bad habits would be on their way out the door and that I could start enjoying my new easy-breezy ways. I suppose I’m not particularly surprised that things have not worked out so tidily, but I’m proud of myself for recognizing that instead of just saying, “Okay, done” and then moving on. I wish I would get started right away — that I could cross out the plans I’ve made with myself to bake brownies and eat bowls of oatmeal this weekend. And I suppose I could if I decided to. But, for some reason, I’m not deciding that. I hate feeling like I’m not putting myself first. And I am an extraordinarily disciplined person, so it pains me to see myself this way — and yet, when it comes to food, I regularly feel this out of control. On Day 29 I felt frustrated with my own inability to break through bad habits — but I also felt, and continue to feel, grateful for the Whole30 and for its promise to change my life. It just may take me a bit more time.
DAY 29 EATS:
Pre-run: A hard-boiled egg.
Breakfast: Scrambled eggs, broccoli, sauerkraut, and a peach.
Lunch: Tuna salad, mashed cauliflower, and steamed okra with 30-Second Homemade Mayo (recipe here) + Old Bay.
Snack: Lots of almonds, lots of raisins.
After dinner: More roasted carrots.