Living a One-Armed Life
I did not lose an arm. I kinda lost an arm. It's holding a baby and has left me with one arm available to complete every task, alone.
I joked with my husband when I had my son about my one armed life. Oh, the things I could with just one arm. My son liked me, no, loved the bejeezus out of me. I was his pacifier. He wanted to be held and rocked and bounced until I couldn't do it anymore, but I still continued to do it because he needed it.
Apparently, my new little lovey loves Mommy just as much. Seriously, what baby doesn't love their Mommy? Luckily, this time around, I have a Moby Wrap which gives me the ability to use both arms! Even with the wrap, there are times when I need to hold her and she will accept nothing less. Or I just have nowhere to stick her for two minutes.
In the past few days I've done a few things I did not think I was capable of doing with just one hand.
1. Making Mac & Cheese. And I don't mean those "easy stick some water in and pop it in the microwave" mac & cheese, I mean a box of Annie's Mac & Cheese. I got a pot, filled it with water, carried it to the stove, boiled the water (ok I didn't do that part, but you get the idea), cooked the noodles, carried the pot of scolding hot water to the sink and strained the noodles, carried the hot pot back to the stove and dumped in butter and the powder cheesey packet, and here's the best part, I didn't have any milk so I used coconut milk. And you know what, my son ate it and never said a word. So, keep a container of coconut milk around for mac & cheese emergencies.
2. Put my son's sandals on his feet. He's seven, he should be able to this himself. Especially because they just slip on. But it's been moist here and slipping sandals on a sticky dirty kid foot ain't easy. He couldn't accomplish it with his two little hands, but I somehow did it with one. It's a darned Christmas miracle!
3. Laundry. I folded laundry with one hand. I admit it was nothing difficult like a fitted sheet, but still! It was baby laundry. Little onesies and pants and socks. Ever rolled baby socks with one hand? I did! Try it. It's got to be some kind of hand-eye-brain-coordination challenge that will stop you from getting Alzheimer's.
4. Opened the back door to my house. Now I know this doesn't sound difficult. What door requires two hands to open? If you live in a house that requires you to use two hands to open the doors, I think you need new doors -- and possibly a new house. It was an achievement for me because I was carrying a baby car seat that weighs approximately 9,000 pounds, my purse, a diaper bag and two bags of groceries. Oh I know what you're thinking. "Make two trips stupid!" Who makes two trips? NO ONE DOES. Plus I was counting on my son to hold the door open for me, but alas our super fat fuck of a cat was trying to run outside so he slammed the door shut to stop her.
5. I peed at 4:30am while holding a baby. Why not leave the baby in it's crib, you ask? Or with it's father? Because I was just about to change the baby when my son went a rap tap tapping at my bedroom door needing a bathroom buddy. I figured I was up and holding her, I'll just accompany him to the bathroom and then go back to changing her. My bladder had other plans. It was like, "WE'RE UP! AND WE HEAR SOMEONE PEEING! WE HAVE TO PEE TOO!" Of course I had to pee too. I had nowhere to put the baby and my bladder was not about to wait for me to find somewhere to put her. So I did it. And I know there are other Mom's out there who have done it. Especially new Mom's who look around the house after their partner in crime has left for work and realize, "how the fuck am I going to go to the bathroom?!?" Normally you go when the baby is sleeping or if the baby will tolerate you putting it down in a swing or bouncy chair for two minutes. In my case, I was not even expecting to go. Expect the unexpected!
I feel like I achieved something this week besides surviving the heat wave and vacuuming my living room twice. (Why was there so much pink fur on the rug? WHY!?!)
Have a neat week!