Mommy, You're Having a Baby! Except, I'm Not Pregnant
Summer is in full swing, but in order to stay ahead of the crowds, I decided to do some back-to-school shopping. I got the kids dressed, I put on my breezy summer dress, and we headed to the mall. Tennis shoes were the goal for the day. Just find three pairs, except does anyone else find shoe shopping for kids as stressful as I do? I mean, they need room to grow, but not too much room that the shoes fall off their feet. So, how much room is that? I have no idea, so I spend most of the time in angst, while my children beg for patent leather heels and Spiderman water shoes.
Porter, my seven year old, must've felt my tension, and since he is my lover, he wrapped his arms around me and held me. I was intent and focused on shoes, not hugs. He began to stroke my stomach, and I continued rummaging through shoes.
Then, with a squeal of delight, he says, "Mommy, your tummy is poking out! You're going to have a baby"!
I snap out of my shoe trance. "Hush, Porter, I'm not having a baby". I shooed him away and did my best to continue on.
"Yes, you are! I can feel your tummy poking out, so that means you're having a baby"! The delight in his innocent eyes shining bright. Ok, so I’ve had my share of second helpings, and it's against my religion to turn down a donut. My workout plan is just that, a plan, but looking pregnant? Well, that’s a bit of a far stretch. Even still, I sucked in a bit more, and no longer feeling so breezy in my dress.
"Porter, I'm not having a baby. Can please keep your voice down"? I peeked over the shoe rack to see who was enjoying our conversation.
"If you're not having a baby, then why is your tummy sticking out"?
Why wouldn’t he just drop the subject? And why was he talking so loud? Since we were in public, I used my best loving mother voice to quietly explain that some people have tummy's that stick out, but it's not polite to tell a girl that she's having a baby, unless she tells you she's having a baby. I told him that it's just best not to mention it at all.
He was silent. I was relieved for our conversation to be over.
Then, he said, "Oh, I know! I should've just said, 'Mommy, your tummy is really big".
That's it! I'll start my diet on Monday. Wait, who am I kidding? I’m just going to get a new pair of Spanx.