I'm scared. No bullshit, on the edge of freak out, Scared.
I am 13 weeks pregnant this week. Up until today, everything was fairly normal. Different from my first two, certainly, but still within expectations. We (finally) had our first OB appointment, complete with ultrasound showing a bouncing, healthy, right-on-track bleeding. I've felt I'm coming out of the exhausted stage and into the more energetic one. I even played tag with my youngest yesterday!
And then. Blood. Not spotting, not all-day-steady, but a gush of bright, red blood that took me completely by surprise and sparked a run to my bedroom for new pants. At the time of running, I didn't know if was blood, just that something fluid was leaking out of me and it was NOT normal.
Seeing the bright red splotches......well, that's something anyone who's ever dealt with it during a pregnancy can immediately understand, but that's still pretty hard to describe. Of course, I cried. A few times. And I changed. And then I called.
The secretary and nurse were calm, as they should be. They called back very quickly after consulting with the doctor, as I hoped and would expect. I have an ultrasound scheduled at the main hospital at 08:30 tomorrow morning.
The bleeding was immediately followed by cramping. Unmistakeable, but not crippling. Scary. It's mostly gone now, leaving just a dull kind of ache. The gush was followed by a bit more bright red blood that tapered off into brownish-red, scant fluid.
I'll still terrified, but the real 'medical' theme here is that of my thyroid. I was diagnosed with hypthyroidism sometime after I had Sophie, my youngest, so it's not something I've ever dealt with during pregnancy. A first for everything! Immediately after the phone call and helping the girls with homework (the everyday life going on before the gush), I checked out What to Expect for some info/assurance/education. The main theme that jumped out of me was the potential effect of chronic diseases/disorders, always including thryoid problems. I'd known before that it could have an effect on fertility, so I had it checked back in January before we started trying. What I didn't realize was that my dosage needs, just like the insulin I take for diabetes, was expected to change during pregnancy.
What's worse, according to a site for the American Thyroid Association, my levels should have been checked as soon as I found out I was pregnant and then monitored every 6-8 weeks for my entire pregnancy.
Mind you, I haven't checked recommendations from other experts, but that was enough to piss me off. I know I should see my endocrinologist more often than I have been (though I do think the every-3-months he wants me on is ridiculous for a well controled type 1), but shouldn't someone have thought of this before? Did they all just assume that he was monitoring my TSH levels since he's on record as my specialist? Did most of them just honestly have no idea? Whatever it is, I'm still angry. I saw women's health, I had my bloodwork done, I tried to eat healthier, I went through the clinic I've been with for 6 years to do my blood pregnancy test and coordinate my referral to the OB. I saw the damned OB two weeks ago. I saw my primary doctor weeks ago to get my mental health referral renewed. How the hell did everyone miss this? Am I expected to just know this because I seem so composed and confident, because I've had two healthy children before, so I've 'been there, done that'?
Whatever the case, I'm making an appointment with my endo while we're on the way to the hospital tomorrow morning and requesting he put in an order for TSH to be checked.
If the lack of follow up here has hurt my child, there's nothing I can do about it now. If something else completely unforeseen or that ends up being a mystery forever has already happened, there's nothing I can do.
My husband is being the strong, supportive person he always is and that I know he can count on me for. My oldest knows I was upset because she saw my face soon enough afterward to know something was wrong. They both know we're going to the doctor tomorrow to see the baby and see if everything's okay. My youngest asked if I was gong to the hospital to have the baby and I was close to breaking down at that moment. I made sure not to make any assurances or 'set it stone' declarations.