Let's Not Be Friends
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
There is a woman from the neighborhood who is constantly trying to make plans with me. She is so sweet. And so boring. No sense of humor at all. I don't want to offend her, but I really have no interest in hanging out or developing this friendship. What should I do?
Leave Me Alone
You don’t mention in your email if you and this Ambien-in-human-form have children around the same age, but I am going to assume that you do. Because I can’t think of another reason that a normal woman would be trying to make plans with another person. I mean, she has a TV, right? Personally I find that between cable and WiFi there is only so much free time that I have for “human interaction” and “friendship." So since you must have kids the same age, I am certain that she is just trying to get some playdate action. Like she wants to drop her kid off at your place and maybe hang around for a couple of hours while the kids do whatever. Maybe get a glass of Chardonnay out of you if she plays her cards right.
I don’t blame you for being on guard.
Or maybe kids aren’t involved at all. Maybe she, I don’t know, likes you, finds you interesting, smart and nice. Or maybe she’s just lonely. She may be new to the neighborhood, going through a tough time personally and needs a friendly face.
A few years ago, my advice to you would have been: “Run away from this humorless bore! You’ll spare yourself dullard conversations and get a workout while you’re at it!” But I am older now, and I appreciate “sweet” more. I value genuine friendship that does not necessarily result in side-splitting laughter and earth-shattering gossip. (Although I value that, too! Very much! Please share if you've got it!) So, is it possible that this woman is someone you can have a genuine friendship with, a real connection? I have no idea—I’m a Mouthy Housewife, not a Psychic Housewife. Only you can know whether that is something you want to explore.
But if you are certain that you do not want to spend time alone with this woman, politely decline her invitations. She will get the hint soon enough. Or if you are so inclined, invite her to group gatherings, like your book group or a Tupperware party.
You may see a side of her that will surprise you.