"Kinky" or "Vanilla": Which One Are You?

"Kinky" or "Vanilla": Which One Are You?

When some people share kinks and preferences that make me giggle inside and think, “Awww, how cute!” because my own sordid desires are way beyond anything I know those people could fathom being pleasurable. I have to check myself and my own arrogance, though, and I’m working on it. Some people share kinks and preferences that make me gag and wonder, “What the hell is wrong with you???” Working on it, I promise! (Some things are just a HELL NO for me and will never be “OK” or even respectable). Again, what is “vanilla” and what is “kinky” are highly subjective and there are some who might consider my current relationship to be “vanilla” or “extremely kinky” compared to what they do in their own lives. It’s all about perspective, comfort, and personal views and experiences. We should, however, refrain from minimizing the sexual experiences of others simply because they don’t engage in the things we do. “Vanilla” isn’t bad-- it’s different… just like those of us in The Life are.

Some of us are edgier than others. Some people think spankings are light work while others could never fathom using a flogger on someone else, deeming it too extreme. Some people are turned on by piercing skin while others are overcome with nausea at the idea of a single drop of blood spilling. Some people spend 1000s of dollars on intricate leather regalia and in attending international conferences while others still use beginner’s bondage kits they ordered online when they decided to explore their 50 shades. Some think physical displays of submission, such as kneeling and deferring one’s gaze, are essential interaction in their dynamics, while others’ “play” is predominantly mental, but no less satisfying.

This Lifestyle is entirely too diverse and unique, in all aspects, for us to position ourselves against the mainstream in ways that are exclusionary. We have to remember that we weren’t born into this; we all journeyed a path to self-awareness, acceptance, and practice. Many people don’t come into these kinky realizations until they’re well into their 30s or 40s, often after years of living the same “vanilla” life they now condemn and ridicule. Someone you may dismiss as “vanilla” could be quietly beginning a journey of self-discovery that will end up with that person giving lectures around the globe on safety protocols for fire play. Who knows? Let’s just focus on this thing that we do and keep it positive, affirming, and above all, welcoming to those seeking solace in a warm, healthy, supportive community.

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