It's My Pregnancy and I'll Complain if I Want To
Giving birth to Cheerio
The birth itself was traumatic. It was incredibly painful, the epidural only half worked, and I was on oxygen. I remember VERY little of it, though the bits I do remember involve a lot of hemorrhaging, delivering my bag of waters in tact and an extremely quick birth that my doctor didn't even make it to. Afterward, I had to have a blood transfusion because I was so severely anemic.
Getting a blood transfusion a few hours after Cheerio was born.
All in all, Cheerio was a perfectly healthy (if somewhat small) baby, and we were overjoyed. But there's no doubt it was a rough pregnancy. Mark and I both actually agreed that we shouldn't attempt any more children. It just wasn't a good idea. But time takes its toll on a memory, and though it had only been a year since Cheerio's birth, I was getting broody again. Mark and I planned to wait until the end of this year before considering the possibility of getting pregnant, but life sneaks up on you sometimes, and here we are once again expecting.
This time around, though I am trying hard to think positively and take things in stride. It's been difficult. I've been once again struck down with some severe morning sickness, and I've had some bleeds and a hell of a lot more pain than I've ever had before. I am worried and sick and tired and still having to look after two rambunctious toddlers, one of whom I am STILL breastfeeding.
But every time I mention that I'm struggling, I am inundated with comments from people telling me to shut up because I'm being offensive to those who are trying to conceive. It turns out that I am not allowed to exude anything but joy and happiness because it's not fair to those struggling with infertility. I keep being told, "If I could get pregnant, I would revel in the morning sickness and endure every pain with a smile on my face."
Further, I've been accused by more than one woman of "rubbing it in [their] face" that I'm pregnant. I am told that I am selfish and bratty for daring to complain about the very real pain I feel. What gets me even more is that many of the women who have made these complaints against me already have at least one child themselves. Some of them have more.
And believe me, I get it. I get the pain of wanting a child and not being able to have one. I waited years. I felt hurt and betrayed by my own body. That I am so apparently fertile now shocks me as much as anyone. But I still remember what it was like to pine for a baby. But just because I am lucky enough to have children of my own does not in any way mean that I am not allowed to complain about the process of getting them.
If I am selfish for complaining about being pregnant, then so be it. No one more than I would like it if there was nothing for me to complain about. I expected pregnancy to be a glowing, happy time where I did nothing but admire my growing belly, enthuse in the every twitch of my fetus, and delight in every stage of development. But for some of us, these nine months are a never-ending endurance test that only becomes worthwhile once the baby comes.
Feb 2014 - Our happy family having a blast.
What say you? Is complaining about pregnancy offensive to those who struggle to get pregnant, or is is a normal part of the process and warranted in certain situations?