I'm Single, But Please Don't Make Me Mingle

I'm Single, But Please Don't Make Me Mingle

After being married for five years, I am newly single. I am getting used to this new life, but the problem is my well meaning friends. They are married, and they are constantly encouraging me to date. I don't want to date. I have a toddler who keeps me busy. The idea of dating just doesn't appeal to me. I know they're worried about me, but how do I tell them to back off?

cute toddler

Credit Image: kellyhogaboom on Flickr

Dear Alone and Happy,

Based on your letter, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot and have now successfully reached the other side. Congratulations! Divorce, no matter how amicable it may be, is never an easy situation and I applaud you for surviving, especially with a toddler in your care.

Now let’s talk about why you’re not gettin’ any.

I completely understand that you’re not ready to date yet, but that’s because I don’t know you in real life. On paper, or um, computer screen, it sounds like a good idea to wait a while. There’s absolutely no need to rush into having a first date with some weirdo at Applebee’s. (Fun fact: A friend of mine went on a date with some guy she met on Match.com, and he not only ordered the Kid’s Meal because kids ate free that night, but he spilled his milk all over her purse and yelled, “Hope that’s fake leather!” I know, what a catch!)

Anyway, that said, my opinion is obviously very different from your friends’ because they see you every day. They’ve held your hand and dried your tears and listened to your problems. And for those reasons, they want to see you smile and move on with your life on the arm of a nice, kind man. It’s only normal for people who are in a happy relationship to want the same for their single friends. So you can’t get upset with them for trying is what I’m saying.

What you can do is be firm when you tell them you’re not ready. Maybe make up a date and time, say six months in the future, when you’ll be accepting leads on single men. Tell them to write it in the calendars and call it “HOOK UP DAY.” Maybe that’ll placate them.

And if that doesn’t work, tell them you’ll be happy to go on a date they set up as long as they babysit your toddler that night. Your toddler who has the stomach flu, Sharpie markers in each hand and an unhealthy obsession with hair pulling and biting cats. Works every time.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH

Related Posts

What NOT To Say To Your Single Friends

I love all my friends dearly. And while I know they never mean any offense, I’ve received a few comments lately that stung something fierce. So here is my personal PSA of what not to say to a single someone without a certain someone in their life. Ahem. 1) “You know what you need? To get laid.”I’ve heard this one twice in the past few weeks alone and both times I winced. (Also, I have had sex within the last few months, so cut me some slack). It should be noted that both offenders are over-the-moon in their relationships.   Read more >

Your Parents Come To You For Relationship Advice Now?

Self-proclaimed “relationship experts” almost always get a side-eye from me. When they’re not writing books educating women on how to successfully attract men, they’re on Twitter and other social media making patriarchal blanket statements about behaviors that will or won’t land you your perfect mate. It’s safe to say that I take the “relationship expert” title with a grain of salt, but recently I’ve realized: I’m becoming one of them – but with a twist.   Read more >

7 Ways to Survive Dating Over 50

I've been thinking about writing on this topic for a while.  I'm over 50 and single and have a lot of friends in the same boat.  And what I've found is that dating over 50 is just insane!  What I thought I knew --and mastered fairly well in my younger years -- doesn't seem to translate into the dating scene of today.  So what do you do when you're single and want to meet someone interesting and emotionally available?  Or is that really an option for women in midlife?        Read more >


In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.