I'm Finally Ready to Blog....about my Daddy
I’ve been trying to write a blog. A blog about my Daddy. It’s taken me a few days to fall apart, pick myself up, fall back apart and start again.
Daddy told me he had lung cancer on 6/7. I remember I sat on my deck for 2 hours after that – crying. How did we not know? How? He just had pneumonia….it’s Lung Cancer? Then it became stage 4. Stage 4. I again, just sit and stare. Stage effing 4 Lung Cancer. In MY awesome Daddy? No way.
We has ready for chemo! Ready to fight! Ready, Set, GO!!! We have hope. He will fight. He will do this chemo. He will win BACK some time! He’s positive. We are all ready…let’s go chemo.
But, complications come with that chemo. Too numerous to go into. Honestly, I don’t want to timeline all the steps — it was brutal beginning 7/19.
My sweet Daddy passed away on 8/17 at 8:00pm. I was lucky I had spent a lot of time since the 7/19, while hospitialzied. And I was able to spend even more time with him, after Hospice entry. And while he came in and out of hallucinations and reality, I was with my Daddy. He was alive and still fighting, until the last breath. And he slipped away.
As I type this, I tear up again. It has hurt more than I ever imagined. I had an idea I might speak at his Celebrations of Live, this Sunday, but I don’t think I have the strength not to cry so hard that no one will even know what the hell I’m saying.
So…I shall blog. And folks….settle in, it could be my longest.
Today, was the first day, I’m not in a pit of sadness and despair. Today, I started thinking about all the things Daddy meant and still MEANS to me.
Daddy could make the loudest whistle in the known universe. And if he did? We had to get our butts home ASAP. No messing around….we so didn’t want a second LOUDER whistle.
Daddy let us keep a turtle in the yard, we would set it free, and it would come back. We found an owl, bunnies, bucket of tadpoles, etc. And Daddy would show us how to be kind and take care of animals. Maybe that’s why we all have rescued so many.
Daddy taught me how to drive…first lesson? He smacked my arm! I’m like WTH! Daddy “you NEVER use that left foot on an automatic car..EVER. Pretend it’s not there. Let it rest…don’t you 2 foot drive, Michelle Elaine”. And I don’t.
Daddy believed that looking at those wooly worms really did predict the winter.
Daddy knew ALL the cold snap names: Dogwood winter, Redbud winter…every single one
Daddy decided we would paint the inside of our house in Bowling Green. He turned on some music and we all danced and danced. And painted and painted. We worked hard…and danced harder.
Daddy had 3 daughters. With Barbies, Love’s Baby Soft, too many clothes, make-up. God must have felt he did his time with that: he got 3 grandsons as his prize.
Daddy let my sister bring a cat home and said “DO NOT LET THIS CAT OUT! SHE IS IN HEAT…AND YOU WILL BE IN BIG TROUBLE IF YOU LET HER OUT!” Guess who let her out? Daddy. Guess what? She had 5 kittens. My parents kept 2 sisters and they lived for 18+ years.
Daddy won a contest when he was working at the Corvette plant. He got a Corvette for the weekend. I had never seen my dad speed, ever. He ragged that car out and I looked over, eyes wide. He said, “It’s supposed to be driven like this but you will NOT drive like this when you get your permit. But for now, let’s tear it UP”….and we did.
Daddy was using computers before anyone I knew — he worked on robots at Corvette, so we had one huge computer at home. He was still learning new technology until his 70s. Laptops, iPads, desktop, etc. He loved it so much.