I Will Not Be Silent

I Will Not Be Silent

How to even begin this post.  This subject cuts so deep and so personally that I'm almost at a loss for the words to express how I feel.

What do you do when a friend has made the conscious and willing decision to stay with her abuser?  Do you remain silent?  Doesn't that actually enable the abuser?  I choose not to remain silent.

I will not listen to the justifications and the excuses.  I will throw the bullshit flag every time I hear one.  There is no justification for verbal, physical, or emotional abuse.  There is no excuse.

"But he's changing...it's getting better".  No...he's not and it's not.  It's called a honeymoon phase and that is exactly what it is...a phase.  Phases end and eventually he will get angry again.  Everything will come crashing down and he will make it all your fault.

"He's helping me correct my behavior so I'm a better person."  No...he's not.  He is controlling you.  He is not your priest or pastor.  He is not your teacher or principal.  He is not your supervisor or employer.  He is not your daddy or your father.  It is not his place to "correct" your behavior.  You are a beautiful, smart, talented woman.  If YOU see something in your life that YOU want to change, that is completely up to YOU. 

Where do I get off saying all this?  What gives me the right? 

1.  I'm your friend.  We've been friends for a long time.  Being your friend means all of it.  Not just when we're out having a drink, going shopping, or chatting on the phone.  It means all the time and all the messes.

2.  I love you.  Unconditionally.  That doesn't mean you get an automatic pass.  It means I will tell you how I feel because I love you.  I know what an incredible woman you are.

3.  Been there, done that.  I have a two inch scar on my face that reminds me daily about the incredibly hard lesson I learned.  I would do anything to save you from facing that same lesson in the mirror.  The scar, that any time I hear a couple arguing, I find my hand unconsciously moving to trace. 

This past year, I lost a friend to a domestic violence murder.  I am not willing to lose another when there is something I can do; even if it is just saying how I feel.

I will not be silent.  I will not lose you too.

With all my love,
Jerri

Related Posts

Who Am I? A Look at the Victims of Domestic Violence

I am your mother, your daughter, your sister, your co-worker, your neighbor and your friend. I am your nurse, your hair stylist, your chiropractor and your son’s piano teacher. I am the lady in line next to you at the grocery store. I am the woman sitting beside you Sunday morning at church. And I am a victim of domestic violence.   Read more >

Enough! Reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act

Never, never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way. ― Martin Luther King Jr.   Read more >

For Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Remember That Love Doesn't Hurt

The first time someone I (thought I) loved slapped me, I was stunned into silence. I was 16, he was 24, and while there were so many things wrong with our pairing, the physical and emotional abuse were the worst. How does a 16-year-old respond to a hard slap across the cheek in response to saying something he would later say made him feel like "less of a man", when he is bigger and is much stronger? My ears ringing, I paused, completely silenced and stunned that he would strike out at me rather than discuss whatever I said that upset him. It seemed excessive, and I found myself (oddly) doing more to make sense of it than process it as wrong.   Read more >

Recent Posts by Jerrilynn

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.