I Want You to Want Me

I Want You to Want Me

So, after the Vegas incident, I pretty much wrote Jon off. The ex-girlfriend he was with, while much older than me, was much prettier than me.

It is what it is. I am ok with that.

On Monday I have to go to an event where I had a pretty good feeling his company would be at. Sure enough, when I got the list of exhibitors yesterday morning, the company was on there, which meant I was pretty sure he was going to be there.

My co-worker and I joked about it, and just laughed.

After talking to my best friend, the plan was to look nice, but not look like I was trying too hard, especially since the event is at the beach. It is within driving distance of our houses, so we are not getting rooms and are just all meeting there and going for the day.

Last night I woke up from the car ride upstate to a Facebook message from Jon asking me if I was going to the show next week. I just laughed, and responded, “Yup, going down for the day on Monday.”

No response.

The sad part is that I don’t really care about this guy, but it is a challenge. I mean, that’s totally not true I, guess, I just want him to want me.

Actually, I would like anyone to want me, and while I know these random hookups are not what I want, it’s my way of feeling wanted, or desirable for at least a few minutes or hours.

It was really nice when Snow Guy was texting me, and planning weekends and asking me if I would go camping with him. But, then, it all just suddenly stopped, and it made me feel wildly depressed.

Jon lives on the other side of the country, and is a jerk and player. I know this. I know he is bad news, yet I just want him to show interest. I want him to text me while on the beach in California just to say hello. I want to spend the night snuggling in his hotel room, and then not see him again until the next trade show.

I just want him to want me.

As I type that, I know how dumb that sounds. And, as someone who always prided herself on not needing a guy, or a boyfriend to make herself happy, I want to throw up. It’s completely against what I believe in.

I am supposed to be this strong, independent woman who can take care of herself and not need anyone, yet all I do lately is crave companionship.

Someone to hold my hand. Someone to cook me dinner. Someone to go to a concert with. Someone to go to a wine tasting with. Someone to let me cry on their shoulder when I am having a bad day. Someone to hug me when I am feeling tired and stressed. Someone to cuddle with on the couch. Someone to jump on a plane with and go away to Nashville on a four-day weekend.

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