I Used to be So Judgy

I Used to be So Judgy

i used to be so judgy

I used to be so judgy.

Back before I had kids. I knew how my kids would behave because I would teach them to behave that way because really, how hard could it be? I wasn't a parent, but I knew how to parent because I took some classes in college and I got my teaching degree and I watched the people who were parents and I certainly wouldn't do it the way they were doing it. But that was before I had kids. Thank goodness I'm not like that anymore.

I used to be so judgy.

Back when I was a new parent. My first child was exclusively breastfed and those formula moms were horrible, selfish women, I was sure of it. They just didn't try hard enough or care enough to give their child the absolute best.  And those moms with three or four kids who were carting the baby around like some kind of accessory... how horrible. Didn't they know the importance of routine and schedules in a child's life? But that was when I was a new mom. Thank goodness I'm not like that anymore.

I used to be so judgy.

Back when I had my second baby. If the way I did something worked, then it was the way obviously, and all those other moms not doing it the way were doing it the wrong way. She let her child keep her pacifier until she was almost three? Ugh. I took it away cold turkey at 10 months. No way my toddler was going to walk around with that thing in his mouth. She didn't have the will power to let her kid cry it out? Well, she certainly couldn't come sulking to me about how tired she was. Clearly it was her own fault. But that was when I had two kids. Thank goodness I'm not like that anymore.

The secret of parenting

Now I have three kids and I've discovered the secret of parenting. The secret that there is no secret. That none of us know what the heck we're doing and we're all just trying the best we can. That there are lots of ways to do this parenting thing and most of them will produce halfway decent kids. But sadly, guess what else I've discovered? Despite the fact that I know we're all just doing the best we can...

I am still so judgy.

All those people who think they do know better, all those people I used to be, well now I find myself judging them. Judging them for their condescension, whether real or imagined. Judging them for not knowing the secret. Forgetting that they are learning. Forgetting that:

I'm still learning too.

So here's what I'm going to do the next time they look at me with their pre-kid eyes oozing judgement. I will smile at them as I hand my nap-deprived two year old her pacifier. I will push away my "You just wait" thoughts. I will remind myself that we're all on a journey and none of us, not them or me, have arrived. And I will raise my hand as if to toast them as I proclaim, "May your journey be judgement-free!"

Happy travels!


Related Posts

Get Off Your iPhone at the Amusement Park, Parents!

Em had the most fun in the amusement park’s little water park areas, where water spurted up from the ground at random intervals, and sprayed out of other apparatus in sudden bursts. She ran around, getting soaking wet, clapping her hands and dancing. I love seeing my daughter totally overwhelmed with happiness. There is just nothing like it. It was a great time, really. But I have to get something off my chest. Something that really bugged me. On multiple occasions, throughout the park, I saw parents of children choosing to immerse themselves in their iPhones or Blackberries, rather than concentrating on having fun with their kids.   Read more >

Just Wait: You'll Be a Crappy Mom Someday, Too

I see you. I see you standing in the grocery line with your short shorts (and your no cellulite legs) and your sorority t-shirt. I see you standing there, looking frustrated because of the long line, reading your OK magazine. Do you know what else I see? I see "the look" on your face that says you think I'm a crappy mom. I'm standing in the same long line, but instead of leisurely reading a magazine, I'm trying to keep three kids from tearing the place apart or bothering the other grocery store patrons.   Read more >

10 Things Parents Shouldn't Say To Non-Parents

Lately, I've seen some articles (this one in particular) about how people with kids are tired of hearing certain things from people without munchkins. I know, I know, we don't get it. But maybe, possibly, you're forgetting what it's like to not have kids. There are different stresses but stress none the less.   Read more >


In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.