I’m not REALLY looking to sell my toddler…

I’m not REALLY looking to sell my toddler…

Contrary to popular belief, I am not in fact, looking to sell my toddler. Or give him away for free. I will be keeping him. Thank you very much.

Oh wait, have I confused you? Sorry, let’s go back.

A few nights ago Baboo was in full “I’m going to ensure I’m an old child” mode. He wasn’t sick. He’s not teething. Really, he was fine, but for some reason decided that he was going to wake up every 15 minutes and scream bloody murder. All. Night. Long. This started at about midnight on Monday morning and went until 4 am. I have to wake up at 5:30 to go to work, so I was not a happy mommy. Starbucks of course was thrilled because for every hour of sleep I lose, I add an extra shot of espresso to my latte and they charge like $1 per shot so it really adds up. But I digress…

At 3:07 am, my brain full of fog, my ears bleeding from the screaming, I posted this to my personal Facebook account:

Any insomniacs interested in a gently used 14 month old? He hates bottles and enjoys screaming all night. Free to a good home. I’ll throw in some under eye cream to sweeten the deal. Must take delivery of him ASAP. Sanity not included.

All of my mommy friends thought it was funny. I was pretty impressed at how witty and coherent I managed to sound given the circumstances. Fast forward a few hours and the next thing I know I’m being yelled at about it. Khoza said it was rude and uncalled for. Wait, whaaaaat?

But you want to know the worst part? A few hours later, my 70 year old Grandma called to yell at me about it as well! Apparently my younger brother had shown her the post. She wanted me to know that she would gladly drive down and take him off my hands and did not appreciate not one bit how I had spoken about her beloved great-grandson.

And these are just two of the people I managed to offend. I’m sure there are others who just haven’t admitted it to me (yet).

What I have learned in my 14 months as a mommy is that it’s hard. Really hard. And exhausting too. But I knew this (kinda) going in to it and never for one minute have I regretted becoming a mommy. But since when can we not joke about how difficult it is? If Baboo happened upon my post in 10 years or 15 years I’d like to think he, too, would know it was a joke. It’s not like I left him on the front steps of a church or something. I was losing my mind, delirious from the lack of sleep, but instead of flipping out or like shaking the kid or something, I wrote a sarcastic Facebook post. And you know what? I’d post it again.

So to clarify, once and for all: I am not really looking to sell or give away my toddler. However, if someone would like to adopt ME and send me to a private island or a spa or something for a few days, well let’s just say I’d be open to negotiations.

Related Posts

How To Boost Your Site with a Blog Series

One of the best ways to become THAT blog to people is to take a page from the world of television and create a weekly or monthly series on your blog. I’m talking about a topic that you cover every week, every other week, every month etc., that your readers can look forward to. You can also consider a mini-series, where you choose a topic and create a certain number of entries that you will spread out over a period of time. There are several ways your blog can benefit by including a series.   Read more >

Be More Funny! 22 Prompts to Help You Write Humor Posts

I started blogging at Pecked To Death By Chickens about 5 months ago writing mostly about minor annoyances and how I deal with them. I always like to add some funny to my writing because I want people to enjoy reading it, and I know that personally, I am more likely to read something if I am amused.   Read more >

5 Reasons I’m Unqualified to Teach My Preschooler about Her Private Parts

I recently read a blog post about how important it is to teach toddlers about their body parts. Apparently, simply knowing the correct words for male and female genitals deters predators who know that these children will be more able to report being touched inappropriately. Cut to me sweating profusely. My daughter is almost four, and unless "front hiney" and "back hiney" are the scientific words for the female anatomy, I think I might have failed here.   Read more >

Recent Posts by NewMommyLessons


In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.