I Love Casual Sex!

I Love Casual Sex!

By: Amanda Chatel for YourTango.com

Science says your hookup is good for you.

I love casual sex. I've often thought that the sentiment would look very lovely on a t-shirt with a great big, red heart replacing the word "love," you know, like all those "I [heart] NY" t-shirts that you can get five of for $15 on Broadway. If it weren't for casual sex, I'd still be clueless as to what I enjoy and what I can do without. I'd probably still think "doggy style" is the stuff of kink and would have a lot less fodder for my work. Basically, my life would be the pits. OK, so that latter part might be an exaggeration. Emphasis on "might."

As a New Yorker, casual sex, when I was single, was just my thing. I never saw any harm in it and I usually had a good time. For me, it was about taking control of my sexuality, throwing my middle finger in the air to those who think women who enjoy casual sex are "sluts," and a necessary learning experience in my sexual growth. I never regretted it or felt bad the next morning. I knew what it was and accepted it for what it was. I knew where lines were to be drawn, and where lines could be crossed to pursue something more if the connection was there. It's just sex after all.

A new study has found that casual sex, if you like it, of course, can actually be good for you, but, as I said, ONLY if you like it. Which actually makes a whole boatload of sense, because who does things they don't like anyway?

The study, published in Social Psychology and Personality Science, was based on research conducted amongst a bunch of undergraduates who were asked to record their sexual activity within one academic year. Undergrads, who were all for casual sex, were found to have reported a "higher well-being" after enjoying some casual romping. What this means is that these people reaped the benefits that usually come with having sex: higher self-esteem and lower rates of depression and anxiety, you know, all the stuff (orgasms aside, for the moment), that make one want to get it on in the first place. In contrast, those who didn’t think casual sex was all the rage, but engaged in it anyway, didn't experience the positive effects of those encounters. Although that latter group wasn't as big as the former casual-sex-loving folk, so it was hard to get a definite read on what was exactly going on there.

In some ways, this study is obvious: people doing things they don't like, don't feel good after the fact, and those who do things they do like, feel awesome after the fact. If we subtract those who are doing things they're not game for, then we have a study that truly provides a legitimate answer to the casual sex debate, and it's that it does a body and mind good. Don't you want to do your mind and body some good?

As with all things in life, it's about your personal comfort zone. If you're comfortable with having sex with someone, no strings attached, and can walk away feeling great and empowered, then go for it. If you can't, then you can't be faulted for it, and you especially can't expect to feel good about it. I have many friends who would rather have their eyes stabbed out than have casual sex, and just as many who will engage in it half a dozen times before Monday. So, I guess what I'm in defense of most is personal choice.

I'm not at liberty to dictate to you, nor are you at liberty to dictate to me, what we do with our bodies. Whether or not we want to have casual sex is our business, and our business alone. Life is too short to fall prey to the judgments of others, and even shorter to make decisions based on studies that have only been executed amongst a handful of college undergraduates.

My piece of advice for anyone is to do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good. As long as you're safe, and don't put your heart on the line when you shouldn't, then you'll be fine. Casual sex isn't for everyone, but if it's for you, then you'd be foolish to deny yourself all the benefits that come with it.

So, as Nike tells us: just do it.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Just Doing It: In Defense of Casual Sex

More From Your Tango

Related Posts

Not Having Sex Made My Marriage Stronger

Marriage is made up of so many parts: companionship, comfort, kindness, patience, love, sex and understanding. Marriage is sickness and health and all the other trying promises we secretly hope our marriage will somehow escape. It’s making good on love when things feel scary and uncertain.   Read more >

An Affair Strengthened My Marriage

It began as a typical Saturday night out with my closest women friends. But on that particular evening as we sat, laughed and talked in a popular New York restaurant, acquaintances were seated nearby celebrating their friend Alex's* birthday. They invited us to join their table for a toast, which turned into several. When the house music came on and everyone headed for the bar, Alex — handsome and playful — took my hand and led me to the dance floor.   Read more >

I'm Glad I'm Married Because Dating In the Digital Age Is Frightening

Originally, my idea was to experiment with the social networking app Tinder for 48 hours. However, it took less than 4 hours for me to be absolutely grossed out with the state of the Tinder-verse and I had to power through to even make it to 24. At this very moment, as I'm writing this, just the thought of opening the app and seeing the little orange dot informing me of a new message makes my stomach churn the same way it did when I had the stomach flu last winter and wanted to die a horrible, horrible death on the bathroom floor.   Read more >

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.