How I Lost My Self-Respect & Got It Back
I wrote a letter and it cost me my dignity and my self respect. The letter went a little something like this:
I'm going to be frank and dominant here and say maybe we should just fuck. We can take away the pressure of being friends and trying to hang out. Let's face it, we have rock star sex together and maybe that is all it needs to be. If you don't respond, I will go and I won't bother you again. But I thought I would try.
This is so wrong. This is so pathetic. But it happened. Let me tell you why it happened, why it shouldn't have happened, and how to get your self-respect back.
I know that I am not in alone in being upset when a girl loses access to good sex. I've already less-than-humble-bragged about how amazing that I thought sex was with [The Guy] so I won't go into it too much. I will just recap that he was close to being pretty damn nearly perfect. Orgasms from just being inside me and the such. With that said, when I realized things were taking a sour turn, I tried (desperately) to hold on to that sex.
I didn't want anything from him but what my body could feel from his. I thought that if the knew that I was okay just fucking, he would get over whatever weird thing was happening and I could keep getting laid. And so the letter happened.
But it shouldn't have.
Did you miss the DESPERATE part? Jeez. Instead of wondering where I was going to get my next dick fix, I should have been telling myself to get a fucking grip. There was no way that this letter could have had a positive result. I mean it was literally impossible for that to end well. And it didn't. Going into it he had been ignoring me, did I think that this was going to work miracles? No, it really just served to stress me out, make me revise what I was trying to say, and then feel bad when nothing ever came of it.
But it isn't the end of the world.
You can build your self-respect back up (read: I can).
But we have to be willing to LET THIS GO. The only thing that I can boast about being is that I am human. I am beautiful and I am perfect in my flaws. We all are. We are all flawed and we are not infallible and shit like this is going to happen.
In our lives and in our sexual journeys, we are going to find people that come and go and we have to embrace that. Even monogamous relationships will come and go for some. But you can't let the relationship with other people define you.
I tracked the fuck-up with [The Guy] to the moment he saw me in the bar when I was alone. I guess he didn't want me mingling with his life. Cue the ignoring. That was weird. He knew I wanted to try bars and try new things. All I wanted to do was listen to good music and dance. But that didn't work for him and he wouldn't let me explain.
So a couple weeks later, I made plans to go to a party. I later realized he would have plans to go to this party and so I decided to make sure I looked really nice and sexy. Gussied up real nice in my short dress and my kick-ass boots and ready to dance the night away. And when we saw each other, I could have yo-yo'd into a self absorbed cloud of doubt but instead, I danced better, had more beer, and held control over the situation. Because that is what I deserved.
Don't shy away from facing him and letting you know he fucking passed up the rare opportunity to sleep with you. Because that is a chance no one should be wasting.
This and other posts like it can be found on Snarky Sass.