5 Ways To Give and Receive More Oral Sex
About 60% of married Americans give and receive oral sex, but many want to receive more oral sex than they are getting.
Why aren’t people bagging the oral sex they want?
Usually, this comes down to one of three things:
- a gross factor,
- an uncertainty factor, or
Image Credit: Viktor Hanacek
Selfishness: Choose Wisely
Young people can be very self-centered in sex, especially guys. For me, a man’s willingness to do oral and enjoyment of same has been a required selection criteria in adult relationships.
Ladies, whether you are 19 or 90, if you start sleeping with a guy who treats being near your pussy similar to having to remove hair clogs from the shower drain, this is not what you want in a long term relationship.
Image: Lorena Cupcake via Flickr
Although cunnilingus may not be critical to you now, a man’s fear or revulsion of your genital area may not go away later when you want better sex for yourself. Think twice before committing too much to a partner like this.
Gross Factor: Keeping It Clean
The gross out factor for guy down on gal is best dealt with by keeping yourself clean, especially washing the grooves deep inside the vulva where the white cheese-like oils accumulate.
The very best, non-irritating pussy wash I have found is Organix Teatree Peppermint Body Wash. It gently cleans and it gives a bit of tingly jump start “down there”, plus it smells fab!
Avoid feminine wipes. They have high ion/salt concentrations that can irritate cells in the area and they taste gross!
Image: Horia Varlan via Flickr
It also may help to shave, a lot…. If you like cunnilingus and he doesn’t like the hair, shave it every day or two in the shower, no big deal.
In fact, ask your guy if he would like you to try “shaving.” If his eyes light up, even if he says “No, that’s OK”, do it!
Also, make sure there are no bad smells such as from BV at or near your period.
While some guys don’t do the period stuff, make sure you communicate beforehand what is going on—“Not going down there tonight,” so he knows the sexual script has changed. Or you can use an Instead cup to cover your cervix so blood stays inside you during your love making. Be sure to remove it afterwards.
Uncertainty: Getting A Man To Enjoy Cunnilingus
To get a man who is just put off by the whole thing to enjoy cunnilingus, start with short sessions of light kisses initially, and give him all the right audibles.
Then as he relaxes each time you have sex, encourage him to stay a bit longer by praising him during the session with up an/down hip movements and some “Mmmms.”
Image: Liam Doyle via Flickr
Try, also, putting a small pillow under your ass (to raise up your cootch), then bend your knees and bring your heels up towards your butt (as if in a laying down yoga position).Open it all up to him—it is easier for him and allows him to better visualize what he is doing where and to correlate his moves with your reactions. It also makes you open and vulnerable to him at a time he may be feeling a bit intimated.
Dark or dim lighting is always a good equalizer for nervous folks too. And throughout the process, give praise!
Gross Factor: Her On Him
For her on him, minimizing gross-out of oral sex on men is of course linked to having a clean cock. Also, guys may want to consider shaving, especially along the shaft of the penis itself.
It is common for men to have hair growing along their "manhood." This tends to become more prevalent and to occur further along the shaft as men age. Having a few strands of hair in your mouth during a BJ can be distracting to the enjoyment of giving oral sex for some women. A silky smooth experience can be obtained by having him borrow your pre-gelled Venus razor to clean things up. Helping him might even be fun!
Beyond that, if she gags because he is thrusting too deep, he will probably get less oral sex. Few women want to be gagged during a Deep Throat blow job.
And, of course, a huge concern for most gals is dealing with a mouthful of cum. It isn't always that fun to receive, and if he has not ejaculated in a while, his wad is huge, thick and overly sweet tasting (e.g. gaggy).
Similarly, if he hasn't been drinking much water during the day, his wad can be extra thick and highly concentrated with sugars (slimy sweet). This can turn even the biggest fellatio fan off.
Image: Grant Rambojun via Flickr
Getting More Oral Sex
So, guys, as you ponder your sexual script, think about what aspect you like most in BJs. Having oral sex for arousal and foreplay is completely different than finishing sex with your cum in her mouth. So, think about these two activities as separate events.
Is your favorite part of a BJ the sensation of the arousal? If so, then use oral during the 7 Stages of foreplay to get her giving you more that way; build it into your sex script as part of normal foreplay, but limit the times you come orally if that isn't her favorite.
And guys, this is your time for the audibles… groan, moan, “Oh baby” it up so she knows you like it.
Ladies, focus on how soft and sensual his cock feels on the roof of your mouth, close your eyes and enjoy the sensation of it sliding in and out. Don’t gag yourself unless, over time, you start enjoying pushing the boundaries.
Image: Victor via Flickr
Guys…with a timid oral gal, do not grab her head and pull her onto you unless she wants you to try this. The trade-off isn't worth it.
And remember: For women who don’t like doing fellatio much, not having it tied to ejaculation every time keeps her from being overwhelmed by it. It’s better if she feels like she is an empowered tigress when she does it, so train her in the ways you need the oral sex without intimidating her.
If coming in your lady’s mouth is really all you want from oral sex, you may need to make sure to give her a rocking orgasm before you go there.
Overall: You can help your woman enjoy oral sex more by
- Staying hydrated so your semen is not so thick,
- Ejaculating frequently (even daily with or without her) so your semen volume is less, and
- Having a vasectomy when you are done with kids, again for less semen volume in her mouth. The latter is an awesome reason to get a vasectomy!
*Note: This post was updated to include tips on men shaving based on reader feedback. Thanks for reading and commenting!
- Dr. E
Science can help us nurture and enjoy our sexual selves.