Going To Conventions As An INTJ Woman....And Other Breathing Exercises
I am an analytical person.
I’m also a writer, so I get to put all this analytical nebula into some form of order, which is a relief for my brain.
I remember taking the MTBI test with my boyfriend way back when we were in high school and both of us getting the results, “INTJ.”
We also both donated blood at some blood drive in our Senior year and found out we are both O-. We are also both Scorpios. We’re both Christian, we are both conservative, we are both madly in love with each other (he’s super hot). We really had no other choice than to get married to each other…the stars, our brains and our blood said we belonged together.
Anyway, the test wasn’t a big deal back then, since it didn’t mean much to me at 17. I was still figuring out who I was, what I wanted to study in college, how to find housing/food. It was an interesting test back then, but nothing terribly life changing.
Fast forward 20 years, and I am a housewife with a college degree, a little urban homestead, married to the most hunky husband on earth and 5 homeschooled kids under our belts.
And still INTJ.
Let me just say that being an INTJ woman is an interesting ride. Mostly because, as an INTJ, I am analyzing everything…and everything about what it means to be an INTJ woman.
Although it is fun for me, since I already analyze everything else in life, I can imagine it is exhausting (and maybe irritating) for people around me. Which is why it is totally greatthat my husband is INTJ as well, and we can just bury our brains in analyzing the details of life, and then re-analyzing the results, for hours (days).
I love him: he gets me.
The problem really happens when I am around people. INTJ’s aren’t people-people. They are person-people. I can have amazing conversations with either a person, or to an audience. That’s about it.
“INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren’t working well.”
Once I’m in a group, I have no idea where to begin there are just so many persons in a group all with a back history, each one with ideas and opinions, every one of them with a story unique to themselves that I could learn from…
so I just take notes. Because that’s what I do. My purpose is to listen, observe, learn for later reflections, figure out what the general flow of the group is, participate in conversations politely, and under no circumstances go into half hour long diatribes about my own personal opinions about the nature of the universe. At least, that’s my goal.
Women are particularly difficult for the INTJ to be around because they/we are so…dynamic, I think. We change emotions between blinks, we worry about silly things, like the color of our nails (yes, I know it is important). There are hours and hours, bleeding into days and days of conversations that can morph from healthcare to home decorating to parenting styles to diet choices; and usually the changes happen within a few minutes.
“INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people’s thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed. Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas.”
But the INTJ woman is listening from behind the crowd. She is hovering around the nebula of the group and interjecting, not contributing, to the conversation. She is forming conclusions on her own and taking notes for later use.
The event of socialization is a pragmatic function with a goal: to learn more about her peers, and to exercise growth within herself.
“The INTJ’s interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system.”