The Future is Coming and I'm Not Ready
As of this morning at 9am, I only have one child in elementary school.
This person up there, this uniquely amazing individual has left elementary school behind. Today he entered Intermediate school, fifth grade with a smile on his face and a bit of pep in his step.
He's at that age where he still loves spending time with me but while his friends may shy away from affection in front of his peers, he very sweetly gave me a kiss on my cheek as he walked into the building.
He loves to talk world politics, cultural differences, inequality and social injustice. He loves to read science fiction and fantasy but happily took a book to school today about racial discourse in the 1960s.
I am so proud to be his mom. He touches my heart on a daily basis and his mind continues to surprise me.
He's growing up fast and I am not ready for it. Some how the future has arrived and made it so he's no longer my baby.
I am not ready for this.
I still want to see the baby who happily wore a hat on his head for hours on end and charmed every person he smiled at from his stroller. I want my toddler who carries his burp cloths around as a security. That little guy who walked up to me with 10 of them in his arms and smiled as he curled up with me. I want that elementary school kid who amazed his kindergarten teacher with the knowledge he had of the world and the high level questions he asked that no kindergarten child ever thought about.
I may not be ready for this.
Today, I also sent off my youngest to second grade. He happily encompasses the baby of the family attitude. He still enjoys cuddling with his blanket, "bebe" and me for some special attention. He prefers snuggling in my bed over playing video games or building with Legos.
During Open House, he wore a nice polo type shirt so that he'd look nice when he met his new teacher. He told me he was going to work hard to pay attention in class and to get better at reading. He curled up in bed last night (way past his bedtime) and said "I can't wait for tomorrow."
Today, this adorable face told me as he was unpacking his school supplies to leave his classroom so he could get his day started.
He's growing up and I'm not ready for it.
I'm not ready to have two middle schoolers or high schoolers. I'm not ready for them to grow up. I need more time with them while they are younger. I need them to keep cuddling me and to keep willingly giving me kisses in front of their peers.
I need this future thing to slow down.
I'm just not ready.
But I know that they are. They enjoy getting bigger and better at the things they can do. They love to have more responsibility and to earn the trust that only maturity earns.
The future that I worried about six years ago when my oldest entered kindergarten hasn't arrived just yet but it is a whole lot closer than I find comfortable. It's coming on quicker than I'd like.
I'm not ready for this but I have a feeling, they are.
They are happily growing up. They are good boys who are very happy in their skin.
They are ready for this.