Marriage: The First Years Are Only As Hard As You Make Them
October 8th, 2010, I married my best friend.
I know, so original. But true. Paul and I were friends long before we were a couple; most people saw something with us that we either:
a) ignored or
b) were too blind to see
When we finally started dating, we were met with a chorus of "FINALLY!"'s, and "I KNEW IT!"s. It was exhausting, the amount of time we were spending swearing up and down that there was truly nothing to see ... nothing to know ... until one day, we looked at each other and knew what we'd been missing all along. So, October 8th -- just three short months after our summer engagement with family and our best friends -- we were married. Those same people were standing next to us when we said I do.
I've learned so much in the past three years about myself as a wife and as a woman in general. Most of all, I have discovered that I thrive in my supporting role. I prefer it, in fact. I grew up playing the lead in school plays, speaking in front of crowds, showing horses and earning titles ... my role has gradually changed over the years, though. I never thought it would be so fulfilling to be "behind the scenes," but I've never felt more comfortable and rightthan I do right now. My husband leads worship. He leads people into the presence of God, and to do that, he has to get there first himself. He puts his heart out there daily -- his heart, and every ounce of energy he has. I get to be a part of this from the front row, and it always blows my mind how nervous I get. Like, sweaty palms and racing heart nervous. It overwhelms me, watching Paul do what he loves to do. The supporting role is fulfilling, but it doesn't come without a desire to reach out and physically help, when all I can do is pray. It's taken some training, for sure. I've had to learn how to be his rock, so he can do what God's called him to do.
Now, we have a child -- a son. A little boy that I can only pray is the best parts of both of us. I'm forever going to play the supporting role to those two leading men in my life. And I love it. I hope Porter is thoughtful and loves people like his dad does. I hope he has a heart for worship. I fell in love with this man because he's just likable, and it makes me so happy to think that Porter could very well inherit those same qualities.
These last three years have been easy. Sure, bad days happen ... but bad days happen normally because of my own girlish problems. Insecurities, lack of sleep, PMS. ;) Marriage has been far easier than I thought it would be ... everyone tried to warn me about how difficult the first years are, but I received a great piece of advice on the day I went to the jewelry store to pick up Paul's ring before our wedding: The first years are only as hard as you make them.
My long-winded, joke-stealing, trendsetting husband is my favorite person on the planet. Our marriage is the most important thing to me, right alongside of being a mother. The truth is, I am free to be a good mother because of the way our marriage builds me up. Because of the way he builds me up. Paul thinks I can do anything. And as much as I resist, I honestly feel like I could, too -- especially after a pep talk from my better half. As much as I rely on God's hand on my life is as much as I rely on the man that God put in my life. It's like I have two direct lines of communication to Him -- my own, and through my husband.
I want to be a good wife. I want to be more thoughtful, a better gift-giver; a powerful praying wife. I want to be responsible but fun. Carefree but grounded. Encouraging but realistic. I want Paul to know he's irreplaceable. There is no one like him. There's no one I'd rather spend my days with, there's no one I'd rather fight with, there's no one I'd rather have on my team.
Paul, I love you so much! Happy three years ... thank you for being such a selfless, loyal, wonderful husband. I couldn't have hand-picked someone more perfect for me.