“The fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all” – I love this line from the Sound track to Frozen.
**Update on the swimwear line I "fearlessly" :), launched on kickstarter, the story just got featured on ABCNEWS!! http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/back-coverage-bathing-suit/story?id=23931806 I am so glad that I felt the fear and did it anyway!**
If you are a mom of a young child, I bet you know that song on the movie frozen… you know what I am talking about “let it go, let it go, can’t hold back any more…”, yep that one. I sing that song in the shower, in the car, just about everywhere. I am sure many of you have done that after watching it over and over again with your kid. The one line that really resonated with me was “it’s funny how some distance, makes everything seem small. And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all” and that is what I wanted to write about today, Fear and how to live with it better.
I have learned that the scary mountain of fear that we see in our mind’s eye usually turns out to be a little ant hill in retrospect if we dared to take the leap, felt the fear and did it anyway. Some distance (in terms of time in this case) really does make everything seem small.
Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of death, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of this, fear of that… and yet, have you noticed, almost all of our fears are based on what might happen in the future and not really based on what is actually happening right now. Therefore our fear is a projection of our mind and therefore is an illusion. And our mind is notorious when it comes to amplifying the negatives and downplaying the positives of the “what-ifs” of whatever our mind is busy dissecting at the moment.
I was consumed with fear, fear of failure, fear of speaking up, fear of being judged, so I didn’t dare try to venture out and do something out of my comfort zone. I would complain about something that I don’t like in my life to myself but wouldn’t do anything about it or at school, when the professor asked a question and if no one knew the answer and I did, I wouldn’t raise my hand, because I didn’t want to be in the spot light, or I would have ideas and suggestions to change things at work, I would keep it to myself lest I have to do a presentation of some sort and that is way out of my comfort zone. That was until I learned to stay still and just BE.
I had heard about Eckhart Tolle and his teachings a few times on the Oprah show and I was intrigued by it enough that I bought one of his books, the “The Power of Now” and it changed my life. I learned that future really is in my imagination, and life only happens right this moment. I learned to live life to the fullest in whatever shape or form it is unfolding right now and refusing to acknowledge it and to resist it only leads to suffering and just general discontent.
Whatever is happening at the moment is already there, manifested in your life so acknowledge it, notice it, you don’t have to like it or hate it, if it is some fearful or other negative emotion that you are experiencing just notice it, allow it to just be at this moment, for trying to deny it or pushing it away only increases its intensity, don’t give it a positive or negative spin in your head, just say, this is what I am experiencing right now and this is how it feels, no more no less. And then allow yourself to be compassionate towards the feeling (or at least make peace with it), and the most amazing thing happens, it leaves.
Then about 6 months ago, I decided to learn to meditate so I signed up to learn Transcendental Meditation. It is amazing what 20 minutes of quiet mind (well many times a not so quiet mind:)) twice a day can do to you and your wellbeing. A kind of peace just follows you and no matter what arises, you still have that sense of feeling that everything is ok after all.
Am I fearless now? Of course not! Fear still arises in me, but it doesn’t scare me like it did. You know how they say thrill seekers associate pleasure with that rising wave of fear, I don’t associate pleasure with it, but I don’t associate pain with it like I did before either, I just acknowledge that it is there and I just let it be, after that I still (most of the time anyway :)) do the thing that made me afraid, and 9 out of 10 of the times, the experience that I feared so much would turn out to be nothing scary after all.
If you had told me a couple of years ago that I would be modeling in a swimsuit for a swimwear line I have always wanted to launch, I would think you have completely lost it :) but guess what? it actually happened, was I afraid? Absolutely, did that stop me? Heck No!
I have no idea if my kickstarter project to help fund my swimwear line launch will be successful, but guess what? I would never know had I not tried. If it does, Wonderful! I will be able to provide and cater to the millions of women, who like me are looking for an alternative to the conventional swimwear styles out there,(you can check it out at http://kck.st/1iKjuOX) .
If not, life goes on, who knows what I will be up to next time around, the possibilities are limitless. I will feel the fear and do it anyway (courtesy of Susan Jeffers Ph.D, an amazing author we lost too soon, RIP).
I would love to hear from you, when was the last time you felt the fear and did it anyway? And what happened?