The Fall of Marriage: True or False
Marriage is a dying enterprise these days, it's so bad we can probably say it's an archaic and has fallen in disuse. It's not what it used to be, is a huge understatement!
Young people when faced with solo the idea, rush to break a very loud sound as they say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
Marriage has become the appetizer no one wants to eat, the one that is constantly passed around during the party and gets the "No, thanks" so many times, it's not even funny.
Probably because those who have engaged in it have broken it so often (Check out the alarming divorce rates.) that people simply have lost their faith in marriage. This institution no longer is what is used to be (No kidding!).
So, is it true, is marriage going under?
Maybe in the past people would marry out of love and when the initial gloss of it would wear off, they had the guts to stick through it. Nobody said that marriage was or ever has been perfect because it is NOT. It's difficult to live through and basically it's a humongous pain in the butt. Yet, I wouldn't change my marriage for nothing in this world.
I've stayed married for 28 and counting. Even though I've given my own children a great example (my husband and myself are still sick in love with each other). They tremble at the idea of getting married.
Basically because of the level of commitment it requires, or they say.
Just to give you an example, when my daughter's college boyfried talked to her about the possibility of him moving close to where she was relocating so they wouldn't have to break up, she confessed to me later,
"I wanted to shrow myself, for the very first time, out of a car in motion."
So, probably there is more than commitment issues around here, don't you think?
Love nowadays doesn't make the cut because (at least this is my opinion) it flunks at the quality level. It doesn't pass the tests that would make it durable and prime quality.
Those tests are basically the events that go on during our lives.
Each negative event has an impact on how we live as well as on our relationships. Nobody gets upset when they get a raise, or when they get up for promotion, or when they have money saved in the bank, or when they have enough food in the pantry or refrigerator, or when their bills are paid or when they...........etc. etc. etc. etc. etc..... Please, feel free to fill in the blanks here people!
Seeing it from the other side around, staying in love and married under economic hardship is almost impossible if you don't work things out. I'm not really saying anything new because one of the causes for the soaring numbers on divorce is due to economic hardship.
Economic hardship, illness or whatever your negative events a/k/a quality control of your relationship is your own business. Wait! No it's not your own business because marriage isn't about one, but two people, so it' pertains both of you.
That's the first step where we go wrong, we go over the bad things alone, we need to do it together (or at least that's what I do) and believe me some serious shit has happened to us.
Talking things over when the time is right is a key element. Now please note the disclosure here "when the time is right". Some of us out there want to talk to soon, we need to give ourselves a break and then come together to talk. I hate talking about things right away and my husband has learned to wait. How can I talk to him about an important issue (changes we have to make or anything related) when I haven't had time to think about it? That for starters have helped us.
Also, when times had gotten tough, and our bills have been unpaid basically because we don't have the money (raising a family of six isn't easy) due to whatever, we make a plan together and play through it to get to the other side. My husband always says to me "As long as we're together we'll be fine.". That has been one of our foundations, all of us have difficult times and it stinks to have to live through them alone, it's so much better when we have someone to hug and find comfort in.
Recently I heard the craziest reason a person had to end a relationship, the dishes! So, it can really be anything that can break up a marriage.
Each and every time we have converted one of these bad events into something we have survived through together our marriage has become stronger.
Why do you think people who are married sleep together (and no it's not about the sex)? It's because during that very private time when the day is coming to an end (where you can put your mind to rest, even if it's for a little while) you get to go to bed with that one person in the world who chose you and you chose him, who is unconditional, and wants to be with you no matter what! Each and every time this happens, love has and will make the cut.
In a society where we are in dire need of change, our first step should be towards the family unit and it can't survive if our marriages or comitted relationships don't.
So, is marriage going to be around for a long time??? Well, probably the answer to that one is yes.
There is hope.
So, for those of you who are still married and want to give it a try, find whatever works for you. Don't give up on marriage or relationships because nobody said it would be easy!
So you see my dear "amigos" marriage can survive what we need to do is give yourself and it a chance because that's what life is all about.