When He Looks at Other Women...
Can a man make a woman feel like she's the only woman in the room?
Maybe that's unrealistic. It would feel fantastic. What do you do when a man makes you know you're not the only woman in the room, and perhaps makes you even realize that these other women are younger, hotter, dressed better and have better hair? When a man looks at other women repeatedly, in a way that makes you feel threatened, it can appear like he's not done hunting for the one, even if you are his "one."
If I had to rate my marriage, I would rate it a solid 9 out of 10, though the 10 percent that falls short is brutal. I don't know if it is my own insecurity. I don't know if it is his periodic lack of care for my feelings, but... I cannot stand when he looks at other women. I don't mean a glance as someone passes by. I mean a double take or triple take or a look back as we pass. It makes me feel unattractive. It makes me feel even more insecure. It makes me wonder how a man can have the self-restraint to be faithful if he cannot have the restraint to not gawk at a woman in my presence.
Image: Roger Schüeber via Flickr
It's natural to think other people are attractive, even if you're hitched. It's natural to look at other people. It's probably normal to acknowledge others' attractiveness, if you're relationship is secure enough to handle it. I think, though, there's a difference with looking at people with admiration for their beauty and looking at them with lust. I don't know if there is any lustful desire on his part, but sometimes, the glances, longer than what's within my comfort level, feel threatening.
Part of my insecurity comes from when we were just dating. Someone he knew from work came into a restaurant with her date while we were at the bar waiting for our table. She passed by with the guy and said "Hi" to my guy. I smile, being polite, as my guy continued to take glances her way... not once, not twice, not even three times. It had to be like seven times before we got our table. I was so livid by the time we ate, I didn't know how to handle myself. I know at least one female friend who would have walked out of the restaurant at that very moment.
Just yesterday as we were shopping, I noticed him glance at a woman as we walked in a store and just brushed it off. It appeared he got a smile at her taking notice of him, but, I didn't get insecure or anything. It wasn't until we passed another woman, who had long chestnut hair and fashionable clothes, standing next to a table with merchandise. I knew he was going to look, even though her back was toward us. I did not expect him to look back to see her face. For some reason, that makes me livid. I said to him, "It makes me feel bad when I feel you ogle other women." Hhe said he was looking at a price tag -- clearly a lie because the price tag was not behind us as we passed the table. It would be impossible to see and supposedly he can't see anything without his glasses. So it was clearly a lie. Again.
I don't know if my husband realizes how hurtful these things are. I see other attractive men and I don't ogle them or lack the self-restraint with him to check them all out at the stores. Sometimes, I just don't think he gets it. Sometimes I wonder, should I start checking out all the hot guys I see? Will he even notice and will the point be received? But that's just not me.
I try all the time to have faith my husband is faithful. It took me so long to find a man who I really loved again and who I enjoy spending so much of my time. Even if he does look at other women, it doesn't mean he would cheat. I wish his actions would make me feel secure in our relationship and early marriage. I do everything to make him feel secure. I tell him all the time I love him. I try so hard in this marriage.
What I want is for my husband to make me feel like no other woman matters or can measure up. I want my husband to make me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the room. I want him to make me feel that he loves me so much that he'd never do anything to threaten our relationship or love. That though other women exist, and may even be attractive, that what I offer is all he wants and all he needs his whole life through.