Eight Useless Uses of the Hashtag

Eight Useless Uses of the Hashtag

Hashtags have been around for a while now. When I started out on Twitter, in 2011, I recall a certain apprehension about using them. What did they mean? Would I do it right? How does a hashtag work, anyway?

Hashtags were meant to group similar items together. For example, if you wanted your information to be visible with related information on parenting, you’d use the hashtag #parenting. Later, you could click on that hashtag to search for parenting-related items. A keyword, if you will. If you’ve organized an event, you create a hashtag. If you want the world to know about your new campaign, or want people to tweet about the new season of your over-the-top premium cable show, you create a hashtag.

Simple, right?

Well, hashtags have evolved. And I’d like to discuss a few ways in which they’ve come to, ahem, enhance our lives.

Useless Uses for the Hashtag

The Punchline

This is probably the most frequently used useless use of the hashtag. I do it, you do it. The hashtag has become the punchline, the answer to the question, the last word.

Case in Point: Jimmy Cracks Corn #andidontcare

Useful? No. Annoying? Yes.

Part of the Facebook Status

In the not-so-distant past, Facebook users would add hashtags to their statuses. Facebook, however, had not yet developed a hashtagging system, so, really, there was no point. Facebook, now a few days late and about twelve dollars short, has instituted its own hashtagging system, for which I’ve not yet found a practical application. In a word, Facebook hashtags don’t work. Furthermore, they look silly. Even furthermore, do you really want your grandmother hashtagging? It’s creepy. Stop it, Nana. And knock it off, Facebook.

Little Jimmy has his first football game of the season today! Can’t wait to see him as a starting quarterback! #bringingmyhemorrhoidpillow

The String

Stressful day? Trying to be extra funny? Hashtag it!

Example:Ugh. Stuck in traffic. Again. #hateroutethreeonmondaymorning

Why does that have to be a hashtag? Because it doesn’t.

The Casual Hashtag

You don’t use hashtags normally, but you’re feeling feisty. You might be excited about something coming up. Therefore you tweet (or, of course, Facebook) #football. Or #butterbrickle. Or #peaceandquiet. And nothing else.

We feel you.

The End of the Sentence

Sometimes, your tweet isn’t good enough on its own. In that case, we split it up and hashtag that bad boy. Why? Who cares? Because we can!

Example: So tired. #needwineandamassage #calgontakemeaway

The Answer We Just Can’t Give Out Loud

The Answer We Just Can’t Give Out Loud is helpful mainly to female heads of household, to demonstrate sentiments that should be shouted from rooftops, if only they didn’t draw the attention of local authorities or social service organizations.

Examples:

My kids are asking me when I will be done with my bath. #never #leavemealone #lalalaicanthearyou

My husband wants to know what I’m cooking for dinner. #buzzoff #ordertakeout

The Demonstration of Belonging

You’re part of a society dedicated to a beloved cause. You want everyone to know it. Therefore, you do.

So hungry! #ganjagrowersunite

Hot date tonight! Trimming the tribble! #trekkiesgonnagetsome

Finally got that seatbelt buckled! #mensaFTW

The Spoken Hashtag

The spoken hashtag is the most egregious hashtagging offense imaginable, in my ever-so-humble opinion. This is when someone actually speaks the word "hashtag"prior to making a (usually) snide remark. The spoken hashtag, and other texting-to-speaking transitional English, I’ve observed, is used mostly by the under-25 set and people who work on entertainment news shows. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt because of their a) inherent lack of life experience, or b) inherent lack of life experience, but it’s so very hard to let it go.

Next time you hear someone outside yelling, “Hashtag: Fierce!” you have my blessing to just nick them a little with your car.

If you hear someone yelling, “Hashtag: Oh Em Gee!” then you take them out, back up, and do it again.

 

Momma Be Thy Name

@mommabethyname on Twitter 

Momma Be Thy Name on Facebook

mommabethyname@gmail.com

Related Posts

What Site Metrics Can Tell You About Your Blog - and How They'll Make It Better

Blogging is more than just writing posts.  It's also learning how your site works on a fundamental level -- its reach and popularity -- as well as how it performs.  This is true whether your self-host your blog or use free software such as Blogger or Wordpress.  Statistics help unlock how visitors use and engage with your blog. Armed with this traffic knowledge, you can then figure out how to make your blog an even better experience for your readers. Here are the site metric programs that I use on a daily basis to measure, track and hone my blog into the most robust website it can be.   Read more >

Pin Pricked: A Cautionary Tale About the Dark Side of Pinterest

That's when I found a disturbing side of Pinterest I didn't know existed, one that anyone visiting Pinterest could casually stumble upon and innocently click. It was this one foray into this dark side of Pinterest that has completely changed how I view and interact with it as a social media platform.   Read more >

It's Not Too Late to Get a Hip, Handcrafted Mother's Day Present on Etsy

Oh Etsy: we've been through a lot together. Etsy was there for my bridesmaids' gifts six years ago, new baby gifts for friends over the years, and now I covet all of its amazing handcrafted jewelry. And there is so much to choose from since the Etsy marketplace has exploded in the last nine years: Etsy currently boasts over 1 million active shops with over 25 million items listed. With Mother's Day just around the corner, I've done the work for you of sorting through thousands of listings to bring you my wonderfully hip Etsy gift guide. Here are 10 eclectically-inspired and on-trend handcrafted pieces of jewelry that would make lovely, one-of-a-kind gifts for any mother this Mother's Day!   Read more >

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.