Dear Mommy Bloggers - A Kind Heads-up If You're Going to BlogHer '14
This was originally published on my blog, Clothesline Confessional, soon after getting back home from BlogHer '13. This was a hard time for me, as I was in the middle of struggling with some rough news about my reproductive health. I have since made some peace with this news, but I can't help but think about other non-Mommy bloggers who might be in the same position that I was in last year. From the archives:
Dear Mommy bloggers,
You are all getting on my nerves, and I want you to shut your ugly poopface mouths. And please, before I piss off the entire interwebs, let me assure you that it’s not you, it’s me.
I am not a Mommy, and I don’t want to be one (yet). But, I recently found out that my baby-makin’ oven has quite a few loose wires. So, though it is not impossible for me to get pregnant, it is highly improbable. I’m at a weird place with this information right now. Babies weren’t even on my radar yet. Hell, I haven’t even found a man that I would like to make a baby with, but when I heard the news that I would probably never carry my own child, it crushed a dream that I didn’t even know I had. I am still working through those feelings.
Here is where you come in, Mommy bloggers. I spent this past weekend at the BlogHer ’13 conference, and I had a blast. I realized that I’m still trying to find my niche. I’m not a fashion blogger, because I believe in the power of the comfortable shoe. I’m not a food blogger, because I think that the best food in the world is a peanut butter spoon. I’m not a Mommy blogger, because I’m not a Mommy. . .
and I found myself saying the phrase, “I’m not a Mommy” about a million times this past weekend. Some of the people who asked me the Mommy question were pretty cool when I said that I wasn’t part of the club. But, so many women smiled sweetly and walked away when I said that I wasn’t one of you. I
think know that this is all in my head, and I need you to know that this weirdness is all me, not you.
I need you all to understand that even as a non-Mommy, I have loved reading your blogs. No, I don’t fully understand what it is like to have that life changing child, but I do understand what it means to love unconditionally. I have never had to wake up to feed a screaming infant, but I have been awakened by my own screaming infants in the form of anxiety and insomnia. I do not have my own children, but I am the coolest auntie in the world, and I am a teacher, and I have been a nanny. I know what it’s like to feel tired in my bones.
Please don’t think that I don’t know how hard your job is. So many women say that being a Mommy is the hardest job in the world. Maybe, but lots of jobs are hard. And though I might not know what it’s like to be a Mommy, you now have no idea what it’s like to be 31 and single and not be a Mommy. So many of us non-Mommies are cheering for you, please don’t shut us out.
And this. This is the hardest things that I’m going to say. The truth is that I don’t want you all to shut your ugly poopface mouths. The truth is that I need you to keep writing. I love to hear your stories and learn about your struggles, but I just can’t right now without feeling that awful twinge of jealousy. I hate jealousy. You know what I hate even more? Being jealous about something that I didn’t even know that I wanted.
So, I can say this with full confidence: It’s not you. It’s me.
Keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll make peace with this one day. But, please don’t shut us non-Mommies out, because we all desperatley need each other.
Your biggest non-Mommy fan