Dear Miley Cyrus,

Dear Miley Cyrus,

With your recent VMAs performance and now the release of your music video for "Wrecking Ball", I've seen everyone from mom bloggers to celebrities begging you to stop your destructive behavior. Your family initally stood behind your actions, but now seem to be refusing to comment any further, leaving the world wondering if they, too, have joined the Anti-Miley movement.

Well, Miley, I'm not here to ask you to stop. On the contrary, I'm here to tell you to

Keep it up!

You have obviously discovered the joys of sex and the exciting world it has opened you up to, so why not share that with the entire world? Most people want to keep sex special, and personal, but why? Why not emulate every sexual move you have with your fiance on a stage, with Robin Thicke, for everyone to know exactly what it looks like to have sex with you? Makes so much sense to me! It might kill your future sex video sales, because everyone will have already seen your gyrations, facial expressions and favorite positions, but hey, that could be years, months, weeks into the future, so why worry about that now?

Keep it up!

Your behavior, your every move, is caught on camera, and will make it very easy to teach your possible future daughter many important life lessons like:

  • How to dry hump in public, but keep your stamina up so you can still sing
  • How not to contract communicable diseases by licking random tools
  • How to properly finger bang yourself with a foam finger as to not scratch your nether regions
  • How not to contract BV (bacterial vaginosis) or a yeast infection from sitting on a wrecking ball butt-ass naked
  • How to properly let the entire world know that you are no longer a virgin and proud of your newly-discovered sexual ways
Keep it up!
 
Your fiance, Liam, has been on the fence about marrying you. I'm sure after your latest video, he's probably made his mind up, so it's great that you helped him out with that oh-so-important life decision. Hell, his own family hasn't even watched your VMA performance, which your fiance absolutely hated, so I'm sure the music video of you riding a wrecking ball naked didn't change the in-laws' opinions of you. And, once he dumps you, then you can actually go and explore your sexual side with multiple people- at once, if you so choose.
 
Keep it up!
 
Your actions have, no doubt, weakened your father's heart, his achy breaky heart. Soon, by continuing to fulfill this need of yours to share your raunchy sexuality with the world, I'm sure it will inevitably lead to Billy Ray's heart blowing up and killing that man, thus leaving you with inherited millions. Not that you need it, per say, but there will come a day that your breasts aren't so perky and your hips no longer allow for twerking on stage, so it'd be good to have that nest egg to help out with your massive therapy bills.
 
Keep it up!
 
Your latest video, "Wrecking Ball" broke records with over 15 million views in 24 hours, so whether people love you or hate you, they are watching you self-destruct. It's amusing. It generates money. And, it's entertaining, so you should definitely Keep it up! You are also on track to break another record, which I'm really excited about. Britney Spears was 25 when she shaved her head and went ballistic on paparazzi with an umbrella. You aren't even 21 yet, so I'll predict now that you are about 4 years ahead of a shaved-head public breakdown. I can't wait. And, don't worry about it being any more detrimental to your career than your current behavior is- they'll always have a spot for you as a judge on the X-Factor. 
 
Keep it up!
 
Don't fret about being dropped from Vogue Magazine's cover because of your racy VMA performance. Where one door closes, two more will open, and I hear Playboy and Penthouse are always looking for cover models. 
 
Keep it up!
 
One of the hardest jobs I have as a mother to a daughter is teaching her, in this day and age, about respecting herself and her body. I can tell her all day long what inappropriate behavioris or how girls act in a way that's not respectful of themselves or even their family, but I no longer have to tell my daughter anything. You have helped me out by throwing all of that out for the entire world to see. Instead of explaining to my daughter how she should and shouldn't act, as a lady respectful of herself and the morals she has been taught over the years, I could just show her your VMA performance or latest video, and they teach the lessons for me. My daughter now has visual representation of how not to act if she respects herself and her body, so while mothers everywhere are saying how horrible of a role model you are for younger girls who look up to you (and I am guilty of making such a statement in the past), I say Keep it up! As far as being a picture-perfect example of how girls should not act, you've struck gold, making it so much easier to show my daughter.
 
So, Miley, with all of the flack you have received because of your VMA performance and your latest music video, I've given you 7 reasons why you should Keep it up! I'd go ahead and put money now on you taking my advice over everyone else's. Why? Because you are spiralling downhill quicker than Lindsay Lohan on a Friday night and refuse to listen to reason a strong, independent woman who will definitely rebel against what society is telling you, which is to behave. Why behave? This is so much more entertaining.
 
Keep it up, Miley! I know you can do it!!
 
Feverishly awaiting your full public breakdown,

 

~ Tatted Mom
The Inklings of Life 

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