The Day My Neighbor Freaked Out On Me
We live across the street from a public elementary school. One day last summer we went over to play on the playground. There’s also a baseball field. It had just rained a lot, so the baseball field was a mess and full of fun worms and fun in general to be had. My kids were having a blast just messing around in the cinder and walking around in the puddles and getting their feet all nasty.
… I saw my neighbor (that guy who is always worried about something stupid that doesn’t make a crap bit of difference in the world but it burns his butt to no end) walking toward us across the parking lot. I’m thinking, “Hmm, he doesn’t have his kids with him. What is he doing?”
Then he comes after me! Not physically, but he did end up following me around while he berated me and I tried to gather 6 kids and get the hell out of Dodge to go talk to my husband to see what I had done so wrong.
You see, he came at me like this, “I’m not trying to be a jerk, but ARE YOU SERIOUS?”
And I’m like, “Uh, probably not. What are you talking about?”
He’s like, gesturing wildly, “There’s an entire field OVER THERE they could be playing in and you’re letting them play THERE, in the baseball field that I work hard on? We have a GAME tomorrow!!!!!!!!!”
I’m like, “Uh, I’m a girl and stuff and don’t know about baseball fields. My dad tried to teach me but it did not work out. I don’t understand why playing in cinder puddles is so bad. Can we fix it some way?”
Him: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This is ridiculous. I can’t even believe you are letting them do this. They are tearing it all up.”
And I’m thinking in my head, “Your poor kids, man.” But here is what I said after he followed me around yelling at me and would not listen to me:
“You are a douchebag. Leave me the hell alone! Get a life!”
See, I take it and take it and take it and then I BLOW and get super honest! Well, it turns out most men don’t like it when you talk back, so he marched to my house to tell on me to my HUSBAND, for God’s sake. Like my husband is now going to beat me because I am too stupid to know about ball fields.
Sorry, neighbor, did not happen. We have a solid marriage and my man knows I have good intentions and that most of the world is nuts like you. We are a team.
By the way, dummy, you don't come like that at a woman who used to be married to an abusive man. I won't put up with it and don't want my daughters to see me put up with it.