The Day I Had an Emotional Breakdown
It happened on a gross muggy Monday night. I had just spent the whole day anxiously waiting a response for a job I had applied for in Dallas. I wanted that job sooo bad, I had even rearranged my schedule just before Easter weekend so I could go up for a last minute interview. This was my dream job, I thought. The big break I had been waiting for. The past week I had been constantly checking my email and phone hoping for a response from the company.This Monday was no different. The whole day had past and I heard nothing. I had just finished watching The Voice and decided instead of watching Castle like I normally do, I would go to bed early. It was 9:00pm. Before I got up to go get in my bed, I checked my email one last time. There it was at 9:03pm, the letter I had been waiting for. As I read the subject line I instantly knew it was a rejection letter. A form letter. A poorly constructed one at that. It read:
Subject: Thank You
Thank you for the interest you have expressed in the Social Media Specialist-Dallas position and in employment with Dallas. (It would have made more sense to say Dallas office, or even the company name)
At this time, we have decided to concentrate our attention on other candidates who we believe best meet the current needs of our organization. Please be assured that your application was given full consideration. (Duh It was given full consideration, I had multiple interviews)
If you have applied for other positions, please note that this message is only in reference to the Social Media Specialist-Dallas position located in Dallas, TX. We also encourage you to visit our website for information regarding other available positions. (I swear form letters SUCK, at least try to make it a little bit more engaging and less robotic)
We appreciate your interest in our company and wish you success in your career search.
I read it and cried. And cried some more. I probably cried for a solid 30 mins. Defeated doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. In the past 2 months I had applied for TONS of jobs. Most I never heard from, some I got rejection letters with no interview, but there were 5 positions where I had multiple interviews each. I was rejected from all of them. This job in Dallas was my last hope.
After an hour, my tears had dried up but the pain didn’t go away. The pain of feeling never good enough. The pain of feeling like this nightmare is never going to end. Then the tears came back and every frustration I have probably ever had came rushing in. I felt angry about things that happened in high school, hell I was mad about things that happened in elementary school. I was just so so angry and broken. Every single thing around began to annoy me. The light from the chandelier above me was shining too bright. The sound of Jennifer Lopez’s voice on the tv was beginning to make my eye twitch. I needed air but there was no fresh air outside in the humidity ridden Houston atmosphere. So I went into the bathroom, turned out the lights, and sat in the cold porcelain bathtub, then cried myself to sleep.
About an hour later I woke up in that dark bathroom still sitting in the waterless tub. It was then I realized I just had a full fledged Hollywood style emotional breakdown. I felt spent, yet free. Heavy, yet light. Everything that I had been holding in was finally free. I REALLY needed that cry. Although it was dramatic, it was oddly enough necessary.
So I got out of the tub and took a deep breath, ready to face the light after spending time in the dark. I walked out of the bathroom door, sat down at my computer and began to write this post.
As I write this, I’m unsure what’s next for me but I know tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow, I begin searching for a job again. I’m sure I will be rejected much more than not, but I can only hope that eventually I will find something.
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