Choosing a Full Life.. For Myself, Or Everyone I Love?

Choosing a Full Life.. For Myself, Or Everyone I Love?

I forced my lying, cheating ex to drive me 4 hours north [I live in Florida], on HIS gas money, to go see this amazing man I'd talked to for so long and fell in love with. Upon arrival, I jumped in his lap, gave him a kiss, and that, my dear friends, was magic in itself. My ex went back home, I stayed in Orlando, and two days after meeting up with him, the unimaginable happened. Mind you, I kissed him. We weren't dating. His roommate had a camera. This unimaginable wonderous human being proposed to marry me. On one knee. The whole nine yards; ring, one knee, camera, witnesses, and breath mints [lol]. On October 31st, 2006, he gathered the clothes he owned, we drove to our [now] home city, and we married at the court house. 1 year later, my parents paid for the most amazing wedding I could imagine,

Back to my health. He knew I couldn't have any more kids, because I had to have a hysterectomy due to a bout with cancer. He knew I was addicted to medications as well. He looked past all of this. One thing he could NOT overlook: my overuse of my prescribed medication. Mind you, it wasn't a purposeful overuse; I didn't look to "get high". We figured out the problem: Xanax made me forget everything. Five minutes would pass, and I'd forget I took my medication. What would I do? Take another dose. This was dangerous, and my husband refused to have his wife be a dead junkie. I mean, seriously, I'd take a whole bottle of Xanax in one day, only because I'd forget. We got a finger-print safe.

So now, you see me. I wake up, I ask for my morning meds, I do what I need to do, at 2pm I get meds again. However, no opiates. I take Tramadol, which I get seizures as a side effect, and it really doesn't compare to an Opiate. I have completely lost sight of what I was going to write about, and I have lost half of you by now. Basically, I really need to know how to function, gals.. I have a two-year old now, as well as my 15 year old [my twin cousin did a surrogacy for me], and I can't find happiness because I'm always in pain. My mind will NOT let it rest! What. Do I. Do?

p.s. I will write seperate blogs in regards to my head injuries, my daughter being birthed by my cousin, etc....

✯⋱✰⋰Mama❦Roxc⋱✰⋰✯⋱

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