Casual Sex vs. Intimate Sex: Is There A Big Difference?

Casual Sex vs. Intimate Sex: Is There A Big Difference?

“I respect you,” he murmured. “and your views. I think of you as an equal. I respect your brains, and all those big words you like to use. But I also want to rip your clothes off and have sex with you until you scream and cry and see God.”-Jack Travis
-Lisa Kleypas, Smooth Talking Stranger

Casual sex vs. intimate sex . . . is there a difference? Is one better than the other? The stereotypical view would say that men prefer casual sex, while women prefer intimate sex. Now, as a woman, I cannot speak on behalf of men, but I can agree that while any sex is quite enjoyable, I do favor intimate sex. And I think most women would agree that intimate, monogamous sex leads to a greater trust in their partners, thus leading to better sex.


Image: Vasiliy Koval via Shutterstock


Because of the release of oxytocin, ‘the cuddle hormone,’ during sex women tend to attach to their partners on a more emotional level than men, so while we women may head into a one-night-stand with our only intention of ripping our fling’s clothes off and getting down to business, biology sweeps in, to mess with our minds (Hodgekiss). By morning, we’ve fallen for this guy that picked us up during last call with a cheesy line. Whether he actually possesses any of the qualities we’d like in a companion, makes no difference to us when we’re cuddling up next to him because we’re just craving more intimacy.

So here’s the dilemma: “How do we as women, separate sex from emotional attachment?” Now, some of you may be saying, “Don’t sleep around! Wait for the right guy to come around and make him work hard to win you over,” and while I’m pro-relationship, this way of thinking just does not work for my current situation or many other women’s. In the past several decades, more women are attending college, furthering their education, and rising to the top of their careers, and these women just do not always have time for or even desire a relationship right now.

And yes, we may desire that intimacy which tricks our brains into thinking we’ve found the one, but many of these career-driven women would just run the other way if one of their hook-ups actually chased them. For these women, attempting to ignore intimate feelings for one-night-stands does not solve the problem. Instead, women must acknowledge these biologically accurate feelings before they can separate themselves from them. Take a look at that naked, hungover schmuck sprawled next you. Is that really a guy you want more than just a one-night-stand with? Most of the time . . . probably NOT! Now, with that being said, women, we really do have the upper hand. If you don’t want a relationship but still want good sex, don’t just go to the bars to find it with drunk guys. Sober (or maybe just a tad tipsy;) ) sex is so much better, and women, yes, you have the ability and power to find that! Hint: The power is a vagina.

With that being said, as I mentioned earlier, I do prefer intimate-monogamous sex. There’s just something about being in love and feeling so connected to another person’s body and mind that brings you to an even better climax. When two people are so in tune with each other, communicating and climaxing together, pure ecstasy is reached. My best sex has been in relationships. Part of that may be the extent to which I let my walls down and begin to genuinely have an unselfish love for my partner rather than just “being in love.” But for now, my passion in my studies and career path are too strong to allow enough time to nurture a relationship, so for the time, I’ll just stick with casual sex, because hey, a girl still has needs!

So go get your lovely selves laid;)

Source: Hodgekiss, Anna.–just-makes-men-want-MORE.html

This post was originally published on February 25, 2013 on
For more posts on sexuality by Danica Pelzel, visit


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